Casual play is pretty standard fare in any bdsm community. But I sometimes see people getting confused about what exactly that entails. Getting this wrong can occasionally have awkward consequences, or even worse. There are a lot of different facets to consider when talking with someone about casual play (in addition to the standard limits and medical condition stuff.)
Most people I know use “casual play” to mean a one-time scene with no directly sexual component. There can be things like caning, bondage, foot worship, resistance play, cbt, and various other forms of tasty fun.
But what about sex? Some people do have casual sex as part of their scenes. Whether it’s PIV, oral, manual, or object insertions in various orifices, they include this in scenes with casual partners. For some, this can happen with someone they just met at an event. Others may have casual sex with a handful of close friends. Still others avoid casual sex completely.
Then there’s the d/s component. Will dominance and submission be a part of the scene? Or will it be strictly sensations? This can be blurry. If the top tells the bottom to get into a certain position or to kneel, I don’t see this as d/s. But if a top in a casual scene were to try to get me to do things I genuinely didn’t want to do, or attempted to get me to serve her in some way, that would be a problem. What about after the scene? If you do include some level of d/s, does it continue for the rest of the night? Or even carry over to the next event? At what point do you stop calling it casual then?
Personally, I don’t do casual service. Even when I was single, this wasn’t something I engaged in. To me, service and d/s come from the heart. I don’t give my heart away casually. Also, T and I have an agreement that I don’t submit to anyone else and she doesn’t dominate anyone else; that’s something special that we save just for us. And to me, anything given to just one person and not to anyone else carries a high degree of specialness. That’s one thing that makes me feel valued.