Quite honestly, the phrase makes me cringe. Most of the people I’ve met who were described by others or themselves as “alpha males” were egotistical, self-important ass cannons. Whether it’s in vanilla life or the bdsm world, they’re usually the chest-beating apes who try to be the center of attention. They often come across to me as being desperate for the approval of others.
This concept is particularly interesting as it applies to submissive men. “Alpha sub” is another phrase tossed around on occasion. It generally implies that this is someone who is a leader outside of the relationship, but still chooses to kneel to his dom. Someone who is capable of handling whatever needs dealt with. But “alpha sub” can also imply that this is someone who isn’t comfortable identifying as submissive; they often haven’t come to terms with their submission or feel that some aspects of submission are beneath them. They don’t want to identify with “those guys” because they’re special snowflakes.
I presume that this whole alpha phenomenon stems at least partially stems from our socialization as males. Girls are generally brought up to socialize and interact with each other; boys are brought up to compete with each other. Everything becomes a competition. Some men never outgrow this fierce competitive compulsion, and they feel driven to try to nonconsensually dominate every other man they come across.
On the other end of the spectrum, there are the self-proclaimed worthless men. The doormats, the spineless, the jellyfish. But why are both extremes of this spectrum so heavily populated? Shouldn’t it be more of a bell curve, with the most people in between the two extremes? Why is there such a glut of people on both ends and a seeming dearth of people who are essentially more moderate?
I don’t consider myself an alpha, beta, delta, omega, or any other letter of the Greek alphabet. I don’t feel the need to constantly draw attention to myself or be the loudest voice in the room. I’m also not a doormat. Both in and out of the relationship, I do what needs done. I’m self-sufficient and self-motivated; there’s no need to hold my hand through life’s daily functions. This has nothing to do with being alpha and everything to do with being a functional adult. It doesn’t make me better than anyone else; it means I’m human. I seriously doubt anyone (regardless of gender) who lacks most of these qualities would make a good submissive, vanilla partner, or single person. These are qualities you need to have in order to live daily life as an adult. It doesn’t make you an Alpha Hat; it makes you a responsible person.