Ravish Me, Stud.

Some submissive women frequently talk about how they want to be taken, forced, dominated, brutalized, or any number of similar terms.  It’s a pretty common desire.  These women find it hot to be overpowered, to struggle against the dom.  They want to be conquered.  One woman wrote, “I don’t want to kneel at your feet; I want to be dragged by the hair and forced to the floor.”

So why is it that when a submissive man desires these same things, he’s seen as un-submissive?  If a man wants to be forced, it’s written off as “male fantasy” (as if we’re somehow less entitled to having fantasies than women are) or seen as wank fodder.  Either that or he’s viewed as a less-mature sub who needs more experience.  If a woman wants this?  Great, that’s hot.  If a man wants it?  He’s a wanker.

I can understand it being a problem if it’s like this all the time; if there’s no submission, if everything has to be forced, that would be incredibly annoying and most likely end the relationship.  What I’m talking about here though is that desire to be forced sometimes, not a constant state of being.

While it’s not the same thing, I’ve known enough bratty subs over the years to realize that brats also get different treatment based on their gender as well.  A female sub who’s being bratty will elicit responses of, “Oh, she’s doing that again” and a chuckle.  Then people gather around to watch the ensuing scene.  A male sub engaged in the same behavior gets looks of disgust and disparaging comments about his lack of submission.

Why the discrepancy?  Why is it perfectly acceptable for a submissive woman to want to be dominated but not for a man to want the same?

Posted in Uncategorized. Tags: . 3 Comments »

3 Responses to “Ravish Me, Stud.”

  1. LC Says:

    Oh no problem if a guy wants that ON OCCASION, but a guy or a girl who wants me to force him/her to submit, I lose interest immediately because I don’t really want to wrestle somebody into submission all the time. But maybe I am just a bit freaked out by those random messages and mails “Are you strong enough to make me submit…” My staple answer tends to be “Why should I go through the trouble?”

  2. Ferns Says:

    A lot of people don’t ‘get’ that *force* is a kink. I don’t know why. I find it frustrating as well. Because… guh… hot!

    Having said that, I think there are any number of things at play here.

    Context is important. A lot of the men who say they like this publicly are not ‘Phew, hot play’, they are ‘Prove that you can make me, little girl *chest beat*‘ and that’s a turn off for a lot of women, so public reactions to that sort of thing are often negative. I’d add that if a man says publicly that he loves *any sexual play ever*, he pretty much gets a negative reaction, so there’s that too.

    Degree is also important. How often, how much. When I feel like it, and on my terms? Yes. Because he is being a pain in the arse and uses that to manipulate me into ‘forcing’ him over and over? No.

    I do think at least part of it is about sex and traditional gender roles. Some kind of rough sexual play is a pretty vanilla part of most M/f repertoires, even outside of kink. It’s not nearly as common (or easy) to play that way as a female over a (generally stronger) male. Oh how I wish it were!! Because yes please!

    Related to the above, I think another thing is realism. It’s pretty easy for a man to force a woman down and take pleasure from her (yes yes, gross generalisation, stay with me here), but while most of my fantasies revolve around sexual violence and helplessness, I know full well that if any of the submissives I have had were to genuinely resist me, I’d be screwed. I wish it wasn’t so (and yes yes, I can grab his balls, or learn martial arts (fuck off!)), but the entire scenario works better if I can just overpower him in the ‘traditional way’ and have my way with him, but it doesn’t work like that. So while I can play that way it only works to a certain degree.

    Long comment because I get frustrated that what’s in my head (sexual violence and aggression over a helpless victim) is not something that works for me in real life, and I find that frustrating. I really just want to be a hugely strong gay maledom. Then I’d be all over that shit.


  3. pureliquidkink Says:

    Force is incredibly hot, I agree. And as you said, the size of the people involved can be a problem. T is smaller than I am, plus I do some strength training. I can throw her. The only time she’ll really force me is when she has my hands cuffed, has me in a straitjacket, etc. She also likes using pressure points sometimes to get or hold me in a certain position. And all it takes is one finger. But yes, it would be so much hotter if more femdom couples could do this type of play just as easily as the maledom couples do.

    I’ve also seen the brattiness and the ones who try to be difficult for some reason. I find it irritating as well even though I’m not going to end up playing or dating them. It just seems to show a lack of basic understanding of what we do.

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