Is It Really That Difficult?

It’s one of the most common complaints heard in femdom groups online: men bemoaning the number of submissive men and the seeming shortage of dominant women.  Listening to them, you’d think there’s an entire army of sub men camped out around each dominant woman’s house, each of them eagerly awaiting his chance.

Most likely some of these guys enjoy thinking this, as it allows them to feel a little humiliation, albeit self-imposed.  Feeling like you’re one of many, just a number, and disposable is sure to make someone feel worthless.  And if you get off on feeling worthless, that’s a plus.

But for those who genuinely complain about the hordes of available subs and lack of dominant women, I offer a little slap of reality to the face.  This past weekend I was at a bdsm event.  It was a mixed crowd, with dominant, submissive, and switch men and women all mixed in with each other.  A local femdom group had a luncheon at this event for anyone who was interested.  Roughly 30 people showed up.  According to Ye Olde Official Internet Statistics, approximately 29 of those people should’ve been sub men.  The actual tally was approximately 25 dominant women and 5 submissive men.  A 5-to-1 ratio…  in the other direction!  A real, face-to-face meeting, with actual fleshy, living, breathing women.  There were no entrance hurdles; it was open to anyone interested in female dominance.  Just show up, have free food, and meet people.  Pretty easy.  This isn’t how the internet told me it would work.

I was supposed to have to cross the desert, scale a mountain wearing nothing but a loincloth, slay a dragon using only a butterknife, find the jade monkey, and finally take a number behind thousands of others so that I might hope to get just a glance from a dominant woman.  Instead, I had to walk through a doorway.  The door was even propped open, so I didn’t have to break a sweat opening it.  The only effort involved was using my legs to walk the distance of a large room.  Oh, and I also had to not be creepy.  Really tricky stuff, right?

It’s pretty simple, guys.  If you sequester yourself behind a computer, your chances go way down.  And you’ll have to compete with lots of others who share your strategy.  But if you get out in the world where the BDSMers congregate, you’re much more likely to find someone you click with.  As an added bonus, you won’t run into nearly as many of the self-centered take-your-money-and-call-it-dominance types as you do online.  Get out there.  Meet people.

But you’re not getting my jade monkey.

2 Responses to “Is It Really That Difficult?”

  1. Ferns Says:

    I don’t go out to events and this is one of the reasons, but occasionally I do scan local events on Fetlife just to prove your exact point to myself. The last one I looked at a couple of weeks ago had 59 attendees, and only one was a submissive man. I should be wailing and whining and gnashing *my* teeth about the numbers. Waaaaahhhh… *flails about* … and etc.


  2. pureliquidkink Says:

    Wow. That’s incredibly lopsided. If I think about it, I’ll have to post this on fet and see what others’ experiences have been with in-person events.

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