Sexy, Sexy Scent

Something has been puzzling me for a long time.

Why do they make those little packets of square, bright orange crackers?  Fluorescent orange is not a natural color for a cracker to be.

But also, something more BDSM-related has been puzzling me too.

I have a thing for scent.  For example, foot worship is always sexy, but doing it after she’s been in boots or shoes all day is ten times hotter.  For me it seems to trigger something on a more primal level.  My libido kicks into overdrive.  (Which is also hellaciously frustrating when I’m in chastity.)  Foot worship, the various smells of sex, the scent of leather, armpit licking… They all drive me up a wall.  Maybe it’s a pheromone thing.  Or maybe, at least for the foot and armpit licking, there’s a certain humiliation edge there.

A friend who is involved both in the local BDSM community as well as the gay Leather community recently verified something I’d been hearing for years: Scent is also big among the gay Leather crowd.  It’s actually pretty heavily fetishized there.  They embrace various levels of musk.  They revel in sweat.  (Obviously this isn’t true for every single leatherman out there, but as a whole it’s more true than not.)  They don’t try to cover it up.  A Leather convention can be a rather intense olfactory experience.

So why isn’t that the case in the rest of the BDSM community?  Why is scent such an abhorrent thing here?  Is it simply social conditioning?  We’re bombarded with the idea that all the various body odors are repulsive and should be washed away, covered up.  Is it really that simple?  Or are there other layers of possibility?

Going to a munch, it’s understandable that most people will attempt to be odor-free or pleasant-smelling.  However in a more sexual/play-oriented atmosphere, like a play party, I’m surprised that scent doesn’t come into play for most people.  We use all the other senses in some way, so why not smell?  Sight is on overload at parties with all the sexy leather, latex, heels, lingerie, and nekkidity. There are a ton of ways to stimulate touch, from sensual to painful.  For taste, there’s boot worship with the taste of leather, washing a sub’s mouth out with a bar of soap, or piss play.  On the auditory end of things, there’s the sound the cane makes as it cuts the air, the sound of heels clicking on the floor, or the moans and laughter of people playing.  But what about scent?  Apart from the occasional whiff of leather, there’s not much to stimulate that sense in this environment.

Scent is subjective.  In the context of a party, people can mostly agree on what constitutes sexy when it comes to the other senses.  But scent is far more disparate.  A scent that gets one person worked up might make another walk quickly out of the room.  This is one reason I think most scent-based forms of play don’t happen during public play.  Those who do practice it often seem to do it privately.  But since it’s not talked about, how common is it?

Cleanup on Aisle Three

At a munch a little while back, I was talking with someone about all the different relationship dynamics that exist out there.  He mentioned cuckolding as one of those dynamics.  I realized then that I haven’t clearly elucidated my evolving thoughts on cuckolding, not even to myself.  This post is also for me to straighten out my own thoughts and finally put them down in a more tangible form.

Cuckolding has always been a limit for me, as has everything to do with it.  And I mean this about every form of cuckolding.  The most common form of cuckoldry is when the woman has sex with others but the man doesn’t.  However I’ve also seen cuckoldry applied in the sense of one-sided polyamorous relationships, one-sided restrictions on casual play, or d/s relationships in which the woman has multiple subs yet the subs are all completely monogamous to her.  So there are a lot of varieties of cuckolding.

Anything vaguely related to this type of dynamic has always been a limit as well, whether we’re talking about eating another man’s cum, watching my partner’s sexual activities with someone else, or even teasing about it.  My only guess is that these things hit a little too close to home after having been cheated on about a year before I got into the BDSM community.  The woman who cheated on me had been interested in cuckolding me, but I wouldn’t go for it.  She did it anyway without my consent.  Which, of course, ended that relationship.

In the next relationship after that happened, I was with someone (my previous partner, G) who had an interest in the cuckolding dynamic, but I wouldn’t even consider anything to do with it because the thought of it was just too painful.  I couldn’t imagine going through something like that and seeing it as erotic.  My reaction was essentially a brick wall.  I instantly shut that idea down every time she brought it up.  It was just too much of a sensitive issue for me.

This all slowly started to morph into something else over the years though.

Not long before my last relationship ended, some of this was beginning to transition into more of a soft limit for me.  In other words, things I’d be willing to do with the right person under the right circumstances.  T and I have even taken our first foray into this type of play a while back when she made me lick another man’s cum from her feet.  That’s not something I ever thought I’d be able to do, and it was one of the more difficult yet incredibly sexy scenes I’ve ever been a part of.  Even during the year that’s elapsed since that scene, things have changed.  When we did that scene, I was not ok with seeing who it was; it was essentially anonymous cum from my perspective, though she obviously knew who it came from.  The anonymity in this kind of scene is no longer a need for me.  T has teased me about making me watch her fuck someone else and then having me clean her up, and my reaction was not like it would’ve been years ago.  Instead of instant repulsion and anger, my reaction was more along the lines of cognitive dissonance, my brain both getting aroused and slowly backing away at the same time.  (Admit it, you now have a mental image of my brain with little legs, gently walking backwards.)

This sensitive issue of my partner having sex with other men has slowly changed into something still powerful, but no longer riddled with negative emotions.  It seems to have a different air about it now; obviously consent makes a difference.  Doing this type of play is a way of turning it around, humiliating me, rubbing my face in it, and delighting in it… not hiding it.  That’s a world apart from infidelity.  It takes sex with others from being something shameful and hidden to something more erotic, a shared experience, a form of play.

Our relationship is semi-open, or monogamish, whatever you want to call it.  We each have a short list of people we can be intimate with.  Definitely not a cuckolding setup; we each have the same freedom.  During that aforementioned conversation at a munch a few months back, I was asked about whether cuckolding would ever work for me.  In the future, I have no idea, since my kink has evolved over the years.  I can’t say with any certainty that I’ll never do X or Y.  As for right now, the only way cuckolding would work for me would be if I were involved every single time.  If I were to agree to complete sexual monogamy while she didn’t, I’d need to be part of every one of those encounters in some way, whether it’s watching, cleanup, or something else; otherwise, I think I’d grow resentful.

Just reading that last sentence, I’m a little startled at the change from when I first started out in BDSM, or even just 3-4 years ago.  It’s not something I ever thought I’d find myself saying.  It also makes me wonder what other areas will open up for me in the coming years.  Yay for growth!

Heavy Metal

Not only my favorite flavor of music, but also the material of a new cock cage.

T got it for me a little while back.  It was made by a local friend from the community who does all sorts of metalworking, toymaking, and furniture-making.  He said it was such a pain to make that he’s never making another one.  Yay I have a one-of-a-kind piece!  He modeled the dimensions after my other (plastic) cock cage, which I let him borrow while he was making it.  We did a test-fit toward the end of the process, and it fit very well.

With the Curve (my other device that I’d been locked in prior to this) I was concerned about breaking the device.  If T would straddle my crotch and grind on me to tease me, I worried that it would crack and I’d get plastic shrapnel all through my cock.  Not exactly the type of blood play we enjoy.  One favorite memory is of me laying on my back, and T straddling my lap, grinding on the cage as she used a bullet vibe.  Then she brought her feet up to my face and had me lick and suck them while she got off.  Even with the copious sexitude of this, cracking the cage was in the back of my mind at times.  If she sat on my lap, I’d have to shift the cage a little to make sure her weight fell more on my thighs than on the cage.  This is no longer a concern with a metal cage.  She’s able to grind on me as much as she likes without any concern.  When I get super horny and frustrated, I sometimes claw at the cage, trying to get off.  I don’t have to hold back at all with this device for fear of breaking it.  It hits me hard when I can genuinely try as hard as I can to get off, but not be able to.  This is metal.  This is solid.

This new cage is much easier to put on.  It’s just two pieces- the cock ring portion and the cage.  It has bars going up the sides rather than being an enclosed tube-style device; this makes hygiene much easier.  We just need a little harmonica and a tin cup my cock can drag across the bars.  The other day I’m certain I heard a faint baritone voice singing, “Nobody knows… the trouble I’ve seen…

The only real problem we had was finding a lock to fit it.  The small luggage padlocks we used before don’t work- the shackle (the U-shaped part) is just a little too short.  But larger locks also have thicker shackles, and we need a fairly thin shackle to go through the hole.  The guy who made the cage eventually found a combination lock that fits, and that’s what T is currently using to keep my cock locked up.  We’re looking for a keyed lock though, especially since we both really enjoy her wearing the key around her neck.  For her it’s a constant reminder as well as a symbol to others, and I find it just another way of rubbing it in my face.  We’ll probably visit some locksmiths in the area to see if they have anything that fits.  When they inevitably ask what the device is, I’ll have to have something ready to tell them.  What that is, I’m not quite sure of yet.  I’m sure it’ll make an entertaining memory.