During a conversation with T the other night, the topic of bisexuality came up. She (and many others in the community) has been teasing me for years about how she wants to see me get fucked by or suck off another man. In regard to me having sex with another man, she said, “Yeah, that’ll never happen.” That made me think. There are a lot of things in BDSM that once elicited the reaction of, “oh, hell no, never” from me. And those are things I do now. For example, drinking piss and getting fucked by a woman with a strap-on were once hard limits for me. Over time, these things somehow morphed into things I’d be willing to do if pushed hard enough. Often it happened slowly enough that I didn’t realize it, until one day I realized, “Hey, this isn’t a hard limit anymore. I might be willing to do this for the right person if persuaded properly.”
More recently, eating another man’s cum was a limit. But even this limit went away, and T made me do that at one point a while back. That was not something I ever thought I’d do. Yet it happened. Even watching her fuck or suck another man and be made to clean up afterward is no longer a limit. That’s huge for me. I don’t know why these things can morph over time. What’s more, I’m not sure if there’s a conscious way to change limits. Even if there is, is it ethical to attempt to alter someone else’s limits? I imagine that depends on the scope of d/s within the relationship. (Note that there is a difference between trying to slowly change limits over the long term vs. just trampling those limits nonconsensually.)
In regard to my current hard limits, who knows what tomorrow will bring? I’ve been surprised at the limits which have evaporated thus far, and I’m sure that any limits that disappear in the future will take me off guard as well. I’m only a decade into the BDSM journey, and from what I’ve seen, we never stop learning, growing, and changing.
When it comes to bisexuality in particular, my issue is that I’m simply not attracted to anyone presenting as masculine, regardless of what’s in their pants. I am, however, very attracted to femininity. And parts are different than presentation. So there may be a workaround there. Even then, it’s not an experience I’m actively pursuing. I could see this type of scene working to some extent, at least in theory. I do reeeeeeeally get turned on by oral forms of dominance- foot worship, armpit licking, strap-on fellatio, cum eating, rimming, gags, mouth soaping (at least in theory) etc. So that aspect of it at least has potential.
Erasing limits, from my experience, tends to run smoothly when it happens at its own pace. Then again, I’ve never experienced pushing past limits by any means other than that (for example, using d/s to nudge it along) so I wouldn’t really know.