I Don’t Wanna You Can’t Make Me!

The idea of force excites me.  But I see the term “forced” being watered down quite a bit online.  There’s the guy who loves wearing women’s clothes who wants to be “forced” to dress in feminine clothing, the sub who is genuinely curious (but ashamed) about sucking cock who wants to be “forced”, or the woman who wants to be “forced” to have sex with someone she’s very attracted to.  Those are things that these people would do anyway.  In these cases, I feel it’s more guided than forced.  And that can be sexyhotfun in itself.

But I see force as something that will be met with resistance.  This resistance may or may not come out externally,  i.e. there may be physical resistance on the sub’s part, or the sub may have to fight within his own head to obey without struggling physically.  An example of the latter is the cum-eating scene T and I did a year and a half ago.  I didn’t physically fight back, but I did have to really fight against my desire not to eat another man’s cum in doing what she told me to do.  I was struggling against myself, knowing she really wanted me to do this, while all my brain could conjure up is “fuck, please no…”  I didn’t physically struggle, but there was definitely a struggle involved.

Force seems so much hotter when it’s something the sub genuinely doesn’t want.  There are a lot of forms of play that I really don’t want in the moment.  Things like humiliation (public or private), strap-on sex that lasts much longer than I’d like it to, cum play, piss drinking, licking the soles of her shoes, and some others can really cause a repulsive reaction in me.  Afterward I may think about it while masturbating, but at the time, every part of me just wants to run away or fight back to make it stop.  That is the kind of play I’m talking about when I say “force”.  It’s something I don’t want but am being made to do anyway.

Don’t get me wrong, you can still force someone to do something they actually want to do.  But they won’t fight as hard, and they’ll be hoping you “win”.  Genuinely not wanting whatever is coming adds so much to the dynamic.  Instant hotness.

Physical force isn’t always necessary for something to qualify as “force” though.  For example, when I’m in chastity, even when not physically locked up, I know I’d better not orgasm since I really won’t like the consequences.  In that case, there’s no physical barrier preventing me from orgasming.  It was the same way with the cum scene or other things we do on occasion: One part of my brain dreads what’s about to happen and wants to avoid it, but I also realize that if I do avoid it in some way, there will be something else dread-worthy coming.  So it’s inescapable.  That is just one more flavor of force that can be used.

So when people talk about force online, I read deeper to find out if they mean force or more being guided to do the things they really want to do anyway.  It’s an important distinction to me as I consider them two distinct forms of play.

4 Responses to “I Don’t Wanna You Can’t Make Me!”

  1. Ferns Says:

    Really good post and a fine distinction between different kinds of ‘force’.

    I find so many online discussions on this (and other things, frankly) frustrating to the extreme because they get taken over by loud (usually ‘tut-tut disapproving) voices of people who ‘know’ what it is and how it works for *everyone*, and their outrage or dismissal drowns out any chance of a more nuanced or in-depth discussion that might actually be useful or interesting. Grrrr…

    Also yeah, force of the ‘genuinely don’t want’ kind is super hot.


    • pureliquidkink Says:

      That is really annoying when people argue over the use of the word “force”. All they have to do is read to see what that particular person meant by it. No need to break out the big guns because someone on the internet is (*gasp*) doing it wrong.

    • Stabbity Says:

      force of the ‘genuinely don’t want’ kind is super hot.

      It so is 🙂 Also, wouldn’t it be great if there were separate words for ‘genuinely don’t want’ and ‘fun role-play’ force, like we have for punishment and funishment?

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