Reservation and Hesitation about Exploration Leads to Less Gratification.

People worry about trying too many new things.  There’s a concern of reaching the end of BDSM.  “Congratulations!  You’ve done it all!  There is no more BDSM left.”  Their main worry seems to be getting bored or reaching a level of intensity where the only new thrill comes from mutilation and dismemberment.

So to avoid flying too high, they choose to barely leave the ground.  To avoid trying too many new things, they stick to what they know.  Out of fear of potential boredom in the future, they create boredom now.

I feel these fears of running out of BDSM are unfounded.  While there may be a finite amount of possible activities, who’s to say they will ever get boring?  I still enjoy lots of entry-level things that I got off on from the start: bondage, impact, foot worship, etc.  I do breath play without being rendered unconscious.  I get into impact without being beaten to the point where I have fractures.  You don’t have to keep ratcheting up the intensity in every type of play in order to get something out of it.  These things don’t get old when you enjoy them.

Adding more items to the menu only helps stave off boredom; you have so many more things to choose from.  You can pull different activities from your repertoire for each scene.  And you avoid the typical “rack-and-whack” boredom trap some fall into.  When you’re only doing a few different types of play, there aren’t many combinations or ways to keep things fresh.  But when you add more and more to the mix, your options multiply exponentially.  A restaurant that served only five items would get old pretty quickly; one that serves five hundred items never gets old.  I see no reason to avoid exploring this vast buffet of BDSM.

We all have a list (either physical or mental) of the things we’d like to try.  Looking at my list, the majority of things that we’ve tried have worked out incredibly well.  If you try some new forms of play like that, why not do those things again and again?  It’s just one more flavor to add to the mix.  We don’t stop doing other things just because we tried something new.

Another reason I don’t understand the aversion to exploration is that sometimes tomorrow doesn’t come.  You end up regretting all the missed opportunities.  Whether it’s due to illness, someone moving, accident, the relationship ending, or any other life-ish stuff, things sometimes end far sooner than we’re prepared for.  You may end up saying goodbye not only to that person, but also to all the what-ifs, all the things that you wanted to do “someday”.

Every day is an opportunity.  Don’t wait for a special occasion.  “Someday” is now.

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