In my last relationship, I was with someone who wanted to cuckold me. I always immediately shot the idea down. Wouldn’t even consider it. It was very much in hard limit territory. But toward the end of that relationship, my fantasies started to shift a little, as they tend to do over time. Cuckolding was still a hard limit, but a scene involving being made to eat another man’s cum started to creep into my head now and then. I’d been made to eat my own cum on plenty of occasions, but there was a tiny spark of curiosity developing; I had a feeling it would be more intense and more d/s-ish if it were another man’s cum.
Those conflicting feelings ate at me. I couldn’t figure out why I could be open to doing that one thing, yet still be a brick wall when it came to cuckolding in general. It took me a long time, but I sorted it out.
Cuckolding had always been framed up to me as a relationship dynamic. That was seemingly the only way to do it. The dom could go out and fuck whoever she wanted, with or without the sub present. There could be feelings involved with the other men they fucked (sort of a one-sided poly) or they could just be fuck buddies. I met women at events and talked with others online who wanted to get into cuckolding because it gave them the benefits of poly and/or swinging without the responsibilities; they didn’t want to share their partners with anyone else, yet they wanted to share themselves with others. It’s a rather lousy thing to tell someone through your actions, “You’re going to learn to handle the heavy emotional baggage involved with this dynamic, but I’m not willing to make the same effort for you.” This really rubbed me the wrong way as it’s a horribly selfish way to approach a supposedly loving relationship.
In trying to figure it out, I saw all the typical portrayals in femdom and cuckolding groups online, and for some reason, I believed them. I watched the pitiful, emasculated subs being told they were nothing. I read the disdain from the other men (fuck buddies, bulls, whatever you want to call them.) I witnessed the way the women in the groups talked about how their sub’s needs didn’t matter at all since they were disposable and useless. I started to believe this crap, not realizing it was yet another stereotypical porn fantasy. I didn’t realize there are so many other ways to do cuckolding.
The cuckolding purists (every group has its overzealous purists) may disagree. The standard definition of cuckolding is that the couple is married. And the sub doesn’t get to fuck anyone else or play with anyone else. Sometimes he doesn’t even fuck his own wife.
In reality, it doesn’t have to be that way. It’s possible to do cuckolding as an individual scene rather than as a relationship dynamic. Marriage isn’t necessary to make this happen either. This is where I stumbled when I first started having those fantasies; I didn’t separate the stereotypes from the reality of it. For some reason I hadn’t considered that doing a scene like this was even an option. I thought it had to be the porn cliché or nothing. It seems that those who get into this in a non-stereotypical way are far less vocal, so I never saw it.
After all that time arguing with myself, tossing ideas around in my head, and wondering why I couldn’t figure this out, I finally have it nailed down. It simply comes down to cuckolding as a relationship dynamic vs. cuckolding as an individual scene. While the former is still firmly in hard limit territory for me, the latter can be a mind-blowing, incredibly hot, oh-fuck-please-make-it-stop type of ordeal. A scene like this can be a shared experience rather than an exercise in selfishness. Such a basic solution to a problem that followed me around for some time.