Putting Kink in Reverse

For years, face slapping was always rather hot to me.  Not so much the pain itself, but more the social connotations of it and the helplessness aspect.  Doing this to someone is essentially saying, “I’m doing something to you that’s very insulting, and you can’t do a thing about it!”  The appeal is similar to that of face-spitting, though the latter is far more powerful to me as a tool of humiliation.

But slowly, face slapping had been becoming more of a negative experience with me.  I noticed this just starting to happen 4 or 5 years ago in my last relationship.  It was a very slow fade.  I remember having a really hot face slapping scene with my last partner that went really well.  Yet over time, something started to change and I’m not sure why.  So I mentioned this to T a while back, and we agreed to try to reclaim face slapping.  We started a scene that was nothing but face slapping.  I ended up safewording after a couple minutes.  It put me in a reeeeeeally bad headspace.  I got pissed.  I wasn’t pissed at her since I knew her intentions were good, so there was no real direction for my rage.  It took me a few minutes to calm down.  I couldn’t even stay still and ended up pacing around until I got my head back together.

So I’ve added slapping to my limits list for casual play partners.  T is the only one who has that option.  It’s just not something I’m willing to do for anyone but her at this point.

After giving it a few months and thinking about it, I realized a couple things that may have been part of the problem.  One is that there was no real recovery time between each slap.  Maybe five seconds at most.  For a lot of play involving pain, I need a bit more than that in order to process the pain; otherwise it becomes too much.  (As an aside, more recovery time also adds to the casual confidence and the “toying with the sub” vibe.)  The other part of it is that on many other occasions when face slapping has happened during a scene, it was very sudden and unexpected.  It took me off guard and pulled me somewhat out of the scene mentally almost every time.  So those two things may be part of the key to making this work.  It’s something I’m willing to experiment with more (not right away as I’m recovering from an unrelated concussion) but I’m not super eager to.  I would like to reclaim the eroticism of slapping, but I also worry about a repeat of last time.  If we want that to happen, we’ll just have to push past that concern and give it a go.

I’m a Doormat! Wait, Maybe I’m a Rug…

This past weekend, T and I were at an event we really enjoy in a neighboring city.  I’ve been going to this event for roughly six years, and it’s definitely one of my favorites.  Each year, our caravan from Pittsburgh to this event seems to grow larger.

When we got there, T said she thought the room looked familiar.  She was right: We’d stayed in this same room before.  I realized that when I saw this-

cope wall

There were about a dozen of these little paw prints in the wall, and I remember talking with her about them when we last stayed in that room.  I really wanted to call the front desk and tell them we had an infestation of gravity-defying raccoons.

I ended up playing three times over the weekend.  Once with T, once with a friend from Pittsburgh, and once with someone I’d never met prior.  The latter posted before the event that she was looking to do some trampling.  I messaged her and we tentatively set it up.  My experience with trampling had been minimal, with just a little here and there thrown in as part of other scenes.  But this would be my first full-on trampling scene.  It wasn’t a huge, burning curiosity of mine, but more of a back-burner type curiosity.

After meeting face-to-face and negotiating the scene, we agreed to play on the second night of the event.

We met up on the second night and headed into the dungeon.  Her requirements for a play area were outrageous- She wanted a flat surface and something to hang on to.  Such extravagant rarities.  I stripped, and she had me lay on my back next to a sturdy bondage table.  After slipping off her shoes, she put one foot on top of my abdomen and slowly started adding weight.  Then came the other foot.  Her weight on top of me was restricting when it came to breathing, but it definitely wasn’t too much.  Monitoring me the whole time, she slowly kneaded my flesh with her feet and stepped across all parts of my body. The point of view was terrific.  She towered over top of me, looking about fifteen feet tall.  Being a foot fetishist also added some appeal for me.  She’s occasionally flash a big smile, and that helped my headspace a lot as well.  It gets me further into the scene when I know the top is really getting into whatever we’re doing.

After what was probably about five minutes, she put one foot on my throat and started to press down.  Right when my body hit that “ok, that’s enough” point, she went just a little further and held it there for a few seconds.  She was able to read my reactions very accurately considering we’d never played before.  Breath play and choking are very hot to me, and this was just one more way of doing that.  (T had choked me like that a couple times before as well; it’s always a sexiful time.)  Her weight remained constant on my body throughout.  Mentally, it had a bondage-ish feeling to it.  I couldn’t just sit up to lift her off of me.

Then she stepped off of me.  After putting on a pair of heels, she eased back on to my chest.  That was much more intense.  Her weight was concentrated over a smaller surface area with the shoes on.  The heels dug into my flesh as she continued to step all over me.  She left me with some great souvenirs:

trampling1 trampling2

Afterward, she checked in on me and we stayed there talking for a few minutes.  At that point I realized I had gotten a bit floaty, which I wasn’t expecting.  It’s a happy surprise.  She asked me which I preferred- barefoot or with heels.  I answered barefoot.  It just seemed more connected somehow, and the warmth of her feet added to that feeling.  She mentioned that she also felt more tactile feedback from me barefoot.

I enjoy moving things from my “curious about” list to my “into” list.  This was no exception.  I’d like to experience this again.  It’s not moving to the top of my interests anytime soon, but it’s one more thing for the arsenal.  Having a large variety of types of play to draw from keeps things fresh.  It also helps to prevent “dungeon monotony”- walking through a playspace and seeing people doing mostly the same type of play everywhere you look.  Trampling is one more arrow in the quiver of pervitude.

I Was Into BDSM *Before* It Was Cool!

At FetFest, I was asked to sit on a panel for a discussion.  Also on the panel were Midori, undergroundsea, and one other person whose name I can’t remember because I suck.  People were asking lots of questions, but not so many that we couldn’t devote time to each.  Being held outside under some trees was an added bonus.  Very peaceful vibe, and lots of comfy inflatable camp furniture.

One question from the audience lit up my neurons though.  Someone had asked if the popularity of books like “50 Shades” and its ilk have impacted the BDSM community in a positive or negative way.

I personally have not seen an influx of people stemming from the books.  If we do start to see more people coming into the community as a result of the media, it could go either way: We could get a lot of people who are genuinely curious about BDSM, or we could get a bunch of gawkers who are only there to laugh at the freaks.  I think we have enough resources in the community to police the latter and make them uncomfortable enough to never want to return.  It’s too early to say whether this will be necessary.  We’ll deal with it if it happens.

One positive note on books like this is that they get people talking.  Many are afraid of bringing up kinky ideas to their partners for fear of their reactions.  Will they laugh at me?  See me in a different light?  Respect me less?  Leave me altogether?  Plus, lots of couples’ communication is severely lacking when it comes to sex.  They often expect their partner to know exactly what they like.  Rather than simply telling the other person what they like, some people fake orgasm, which actually trains the other person to do it wrong.  Plenty of couples just don’t do communication very well.  So if basic sex is hard to manage because of this communication barrier, how much more so would kinky sex be?  Books of this genre help nudge those gates of communication open.  They also make people more comfortable with alternative sexuality.  Instead of being in the realm of ridicule, certain activities can now be seen in a sexier, more appealing light.  This leads to more couples practicing BDSM.

I’m sure the safety police are horrified of that.  Yes, lots of people may jump into pervitude without educating themselves first.  They may not come to demos and parties, and they might not research their chosen types of play online.  Which increases the chance of injury.  But didn’t many of us start that way?  Just playing around privately with a partner?  If it works out for them, they’ll dig deeper.  And if not, they’ll move along.