White Meat? Dark Meat? Who Cares?

Even before cuckolding was on my radar, I’d noticed a prevalence of race play intertwined with it.  After having an experience with cuckolding (and realizing it really got me hot in spite of me wanting it to stop) I started digging around a little more.  And even after looking around in more depth, I see race is still a huge factor for a lot of people.  In nearly every cuckolding resource I’ve looked into, there’s a huge element of race play going on.  The consensus seems to be that when the other man is black, it’s more humiliating and thus a more powerful experience.  (I have a problem with that thinking, but I’ll get into that later in this post.)  A local friend (and cuckoldress) gave her thoughts on this recently, and her perspective made me think.  She was essentially saying that it was playing into the stereotypes of black men being more masculine and more of a threat to the sub’s masculinity.

Men in general are taught from a young age that we have to be hyper-competitive, never show emotion, always be ready for sex, know how to tear an engine apart, etc.  From talking with some black friends, this pressure is even stronger in black culture.  (Full disclosure: As a pasty white guy, I’m no expert on what it’s like to be black; this is just an outsider’s perspective.)  There seems to be much more of a push for black men to toe the line in this area.  So I don’t find it too surprising that they’re perceived as more masculine by some.  (In a way I pity the fact that they have to deal with that level of societal pressure though; I find the amount I have to put up with is already incredibly irritating, so I can’t imagine what it must be like for them.)

So I can somewhat understand the perception of added masculinity considering the way many black men are more heavily indoctrinated with these stereotypes.  However, cuckolding is infused with humiliation.  It’s one of the main reasons to do it.  In that context, I’ve always seen the racial element as insulting to the other man.  Why should the woman fucking a black guy make it more humiliating for the sub?  It always seemed a rather racist mindset to me.  Sort of a “She’s fucking someone else?  That’s humiliating.  Wait, he’s black?  Now that’s low.”  I just don’t get why the other man’s race should make it more humiliating for the sub.

Maybe I don’t understand it because I don’t perceive cuckolding in general as a threat to my masculinity. I’ve never gotten anything out of the whole “not a real man” stuff; I tend to laugh it off. Either that or I take the approach of, “If you have a problem with me, we can talk about it outside of a scene and work towards a solution. If you feel I’m a waste of your time, there’s the door.”  I feel that (for best results) the sub should be secure in himself before engaging in cuckolding.  And so I don’t feel threatened by it or by the other man.  If it’s someone who is perceived as more masculine than me, so what?  I don’t place much value in many of society’s measuring sticks.  I’ve got more important things in my life.

All that said, I feel it’s possible to have fantasies like that without it bleeding over into everyday life.  There are a lot of politically incorrect forms of play out there, and people should feel free to enjoy them as long as they don’t rub them in others’ faces or take any of those -isms to heart.  It’s a matter of personal choice as to whether one should risk doing (or talking about) certain things in the community.  Sometimes it’s worth it, and other times not.  Bringing things into the public eye will always invoke disapproval from some, especially when it’s a highly charged or contentious topic.  But it can be worth it in the sense that it unites those who do enjoy it, and it can be an educational experience for a lot of people.  It may even give someone inspiration to try something new.

9 Responses to “White Meat? Dark Meat? Who Cares?”

  1. Ferns Says:

    I’m reluctant to comment because I really don’t know anything about cuckolding, BUT regarding the desire to have a black bull, I always assumed it wasn’t humiliating because he’s black, but because he’s got a big cock (Big Black Cock (BBC) is huge in cuckolding). I’m uncomfortable with the racial aspect of this also. So shutting up now.


  2. Vivssub Says:

    I feel exactly the same way. If anything the “black is better” makes for an uncomfortable distraction from the highly charged sexual dynamic a cuckolding scenario can bring to a relationship. As far as my wife is concerned the cock could be bright blue.(not really-but you get my meaning), so long as the guy it’s attached to is attractive.

  3. shecat Says:

    I had a friend say that the excitement is that the black man is more masculine but I recently saw a post that said that the turn on was that having sex with anyone as nasty as someone black was the ultimate cuckolding humiliation. So much is in the eye of the beholder.

  4. pureliquidkink Says:

    Wow. I’ve seen a little bit of that “mandingo” mentality here and there, but never anything that openly racist.

  5. shecat Says:

    I circled back here to leave a note because as a black woman with face pictures I got my second message saying ” I would like to have my submissive eat your black pussy” as a humiliation scene. This second one did not have the phrase “nasty black pussy” that the first one had but that’s the point, isn’t it?

    I was angry and shaken by it. I don’t even want fetlife bs to make me that angry so I had to go for a 7 degree outside walk and cool off.

  6. pureliquidkink Says:

    Daaaaamn. That’s just plain old assbaggery. What is wrong with people?

  7. workneverover (apparently my fetish is abusing parentheses) Says:

    I’m a bit… disconcerted here.
    People, it’s racist. Like, all the way racist, not just a little bit or hints-of or something.
    It’s okay to say that. (I know the ykinmkbykiok thing says it’s not, but screw that. You can tell them your kinky black friend said so. ;P)

    I submit that what you’re smelling is racism, with a liberal dose of essentialism and sex/gender ickiness. Maybe I should just lay it out? It goes like this. It’s supposed to be humiliating if the other guy has a bigger dick no matter what. That’s not even kinky, that’s just standard. But *black* men are supposed to have the hugest cocks of all, you see. So maximum humiliation is guaranteed. And! Women (real women?) want giiiant dick. Because that’s what makes you a man! Nothing else matters. Optional bonus ick: women are submissive, and need “a real man”— one with a big dick, obvz— to submit to. (Oops, you’re not real enough; in fact this *woman* is dominating you!) Double ick bonus: women are cows looking to breed with choice bulls; they want giant dick *the better to get pregnant.* (And now you’re gonna raise another man’s child! That’s cuckoo!!)
    Finally, there’s the social-standing-switcheroo aspect (+50 humiliation points!). The one who by rights should be on top (white, male) being subjugated to the ones at the very bottom (black, female). Cats lying down with dogs, etc. Note, btw, that as per uze, black women don’t really exist in this paradigm (all black people are men; all women are white).

    And… yeah. I think those are all the basic points. Sometimes there’s more, but they’re mostly just extensions of these ideas. It’s pretty gross! And sadly, it’s the main image of black men in kink.

    • Vivssub Says:

      Couldn’t agree with you more.
      It’s weird and sad.
      Having said that, the bbc thing seems to be where it’s at for some folk, apparently pushing their biggest buttons. I’ve pointed out the same things often before, and yet still get tons of what I thought were like-minded people publishing the same, tired old images of blond women marveling at the size of the endowment on the black guy they’re about to enjoy on my dash at tumblr.
      Live and let live, I say. My Queen/dom/wife can’t see any difference between cock colour.
      Shell cuckold me with whatever takes her fancy that week, I’m happy to say. She says she draws the line at green, but I’ve yet to be convinced.

  8. pureliquidkink Says:

    That was a very concise and clear explanation. Well said! I agree, it is rather gross. All this is the public face of cuckolding, and it’s one reason I stayed away from it so long.

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