Even before cuckolding was on my radar, I’d noticed a prevalence of race play intertwined with it. After having an experience with cuckolding (and realizing it really got me hot in spite of me wanting it to stop) I started digging around a little more. And even after looking around in more depth, I see race is still a huge factor for a lot of people. In nearly every cuckolding resource I’ve looked into, there’s a huge element of race play going on. The consensus seems to be that when the other man is black, it’s more humiliating and thus a more powerful experience. (I have a problem with that thinking, but I’ll get into that later in this post.) A local friend (and cuckoldress) gave her thoughts on this recently, and her perspective made me think. She was essentially saying that it was playing into the stereotypes of black men being more masculine and more of a threat to the sub’s masculinity.
Men in general are taught from a young age that we have to be hyper-competitive, never show emotion, always be ready for sex, know how to tear an engine apart, etc. From talking with some black friends, this pressure is even stronger in black culture. (Full disclosure: As a pasty white guy, I’m no expert on what it’s like to be black; this is just an outsider’s perspective.) There seems to be much more of a push for black men to toe the line in this area. So I don’t find it too surprising that they’re perceived as more masculine by some. (In a way I pity the fact that they have to deal with that level of societal pressure though; I find the amount I have to put up with is already incredibly irritating, so I can’t imagine what it must be like for them.)
So I can somewhat understand the perception of added masculinity considering the way many black men are more heavily indoctrinated with these stereotypes. However, cuckolding is infused with humiliation. It’s one of the main reasons to do it. In that context, I’ve always seen the racial element as insulting to the other man. Why should the woman fucking a black guy make it more humiliating for the sub? It always seemed a rather racist mindset to me. Sort of a “She’s fucking someone else? That’s humiliating. Wait, he’s black? Now that’s low.” I just don’t get why the other man’s race should make it more humiliating for the sub.
Maybe I don’t understand it because I don’t perceive cuckolding in general as a threat to my masculinity. I’ve never gotten anything out of the whole “not a real man” stuff; I tend to laugh it off. Either that or I take the approach of, “If you have a problem with me, we can talk about it outside of a scene and work towards a solution. If you feel I’m a waste of your time, there’s the door.” I feel that (for best results) the sub should be secure in himself before engaging in cuckolding. And so I don’t feel threatened by it or by the other man. If it’s someone who is perceived as more masculine than me, so what? I don’t place much value in many of society’s measuring sticks. I’ve got more important things in my life.
All that said, I feel it’s possible to have fantasies like that without it bleeding over into everyday life. There are a lot of politically incorrect forms of play out there, and people should feel free to enjoy them as long as they don’t rub them in others’ faces or take any of those -isms to heart. It’s a matter of personal choice as to whether one should risk doing (or talking about) certain things in the community. Sometimes it’s worth it, and other times not. Bringing things into the public eye will always invoke disapproval from some, especially when it’s a highly charged or contentious topic. But it can be worth it in the sense that it unites those who do enjoy it, and it can be an educational experience for a lot of people. It may even give someone inspiration to try something new.