Honing Your Submissive Skills

Submission is hard.  There are all these rules and codes of conduct to follow.  One wrong move and you are forever banned from the Canonical Registered Association of Certified Kinky Humble Enslaved Acquiescent Docile Submissives, or C.R.A.C.K.H.E.A.D.S.  How can you keep it all straight without losing your certification as a real true submissive?  Fortunately, the internet has all the answers.  Thanks to this wondrous resource, you can be kept on the straight-and-narrow by a bunch of morons who have no idea how this works in real life a selection of Esteemed Experts in the field of female dominance.

I present here for your perusal a portion of Article IV, Section 7, Clause D, Amendment 9 of The One True Way™ (Volume 13: Female Dominance and Male Submission)-

  • You are not allowed to have any needs or desires of your own.  You should be elated that she is lowering herself to spend any time with you at all.  Be grateful for the little bit of attention you’re given.  It’s not your place to have emotional needs.  Your joy comes solely from her pleasure.  Besides, you’re a man, so you should be stoic every moment of your life.  No facial expressions, either.
  • She doesn’t want to know anything about you, so don’t bore her with those insignificant details.  This is all about her.
  • Submissive women are allowed to have a sex drive and to want sex and/or orgasm with their scenes.  This is normal and healthy.  But you, as a male sub, are not allowed to have these same desires.   Doing so will brand you as a do-me sub.  You’re so selfish.  You must think this revolves around you.  This isn’t all about sex, dammit!  How dare you desire sex with someone you have chemistry with!  You crazy kids with your newfangled sexification!!  I’m calling the police!!!
  • All discussions about the relationship will be had in full d/s protocol.  You must agree to everything she says without exception and abide by whatever terms she comes up with.  Because you’re submissive.  It’s what you do.  If the terms she sets leave you unfulfilled or less than happy, then you must not really be submissive.
  • BDSM is all about housework.  You must always draw great satisfaction from doing someone else’s housework.  Never question her motives.  She’s ordering you to do her grunt work because she’s dominant, not because she wants to avoid doing the work herself.  No one would ever think of taking advantage of you.  Besides, service-oriented submission is the only real type of submission out there.  If you’re not service-oriented, you’re just playing games and wasting everyone’s time.  If you’re not doing more than your share of housework while she sits on her ass, you’re committing a grave sin: the dreaded Topping from the Bottom!  Unclean!  UNCLEEEEEAN!!!
  • Throw lots of money at her.  In addition to housework, BDSM is about money.  These two things are at the heart of it.  There is no better way to show your submission than to bankrupt yourself by buying presents from someone’s wishlist of trivial extravagances.  You may never be able to retire or move out of your parent’s basement, but on the bright side, she has that new designer handbag that she can take with her when she goes out on the town and doesn’t think of you for a single second.
  • It’s perfectly normal for her to have multiple relationships while disallowing you any contact with other women.  You shouldn’t think any less of her because she wants the benefits of poly without the responsibilities of it.  Likewise, don’t be bitter that she can’t handle the same emotions she wants you to live with.  Wanting one-sided poly doesn’t make her a hypocrite at all; rather, it multiplies her domly powers of domliness.

If you follow all this advice, soon you will be on your way to being the top online wanker in the universe!  The most real true subliest sub who ever subbed!  You can sit at home and tell everyone how they should be doing it if they want to be real like you.  You’ll have legions of followers… online.  None of it will actually translate into the real world, but the real world is overrated anyway.

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