The Prequel

One of the classes I teach is  “How to Find a Partner“.  After my first time teaching this class, I posted the class material on fet, and it shot to the top of Kinky & Popular, so apparently this is much-needed advice.  Because it started off as a class on how to be a non-creepy submissive man, most of the material is aimed in that direction.  However, many people don’t know that final copy I posted was the most polished incarnation of that material.  My first attempt gave advice that was a little off the mark.  For example:

  • How you present yourself at events doesn’t matter at all.  People go there because they’re into BDSM, not because they care about silly things like hygiene or clean clothes.  Our common interest is enough.  They aren’t so shallow as to avoid you because they can smell you from ten feet away.
  • When messaging someone online, save time and copy-paste your messages.  Make them generic as possible.  That way you can send those messages to multiple women with maximum efficiency.  If you send it out enough times, you’re bound to get a bite sooner or later.  Or even an irate message berating you for your lack of basic social skills.  Which is a win, really, since humiliation is hot.
  • Don’t fret over proper spelling, punctuation, grammar, or content.  They’ll get what you’re trying to say.  And if you have nothing to say, “hey” works just as well.  Most women don’t get very many messages and just sit at home, refreshing their screens, waiting for something to come in.  They will jump on the chance to talk to you.
  • People will be much more impressed with you if you come with credentials.  Make sure to let everyone know just how experienced you are.  The time you spend in chat rooms and wanking to BDSM porn counts as experience.  But it works like dog years- multiply the number of years you’ve been jerking to kinky porn by seven.  That’s your real total.  So if you’ve been fantasizing about this for six years, that means you have 42 years of experience.  Nevermind the fact that you’re 27; that’s irrelevant.  Everyone must know that you are the most experienced person in the place so they can swoon and line up to give you sexual favors.
  • To convey proper respect, be sure to address all women as “Mistress”.  It doesn’t matter if it’s a conversation online with strangers or a munch in your city.  You must show your proper place by bestowing this title upon anyone vaguely female-ish.  Even if she’s submissive.  She is female, so you are beneath her, and thus she is your Mistress.  You can earn bonus respect points by requesting to kiss her boots immediately upon meeting her.  Don’t waste time with minutiae like introductions and names.  That crap isn’t important.  She is Mistress, you are slave.  Done.  No need for words.  Now kiss her boots.
  • If she doesn’t knock you out after that last bit, she’s a keeper.  Follow her around all night.  Never leave her side.  Even when she goes to the bathroom.  After all, you never know if she’ll need your assistance in delicately cleaning the golden nectar or creamy goddess butter from her sacred orifices when she’s done.  Be sure to offer multiple times.  She may be demure and say no the first few dozen times, but be persistent.  She’s just testing your devotion.
  • When you’re at a party, you’re with a bunch of like-minded people.  Just the fact that they’re there implies consent.  After all, they wouldn’t be there if they weren’t into it, right?  So go ahead drop to your knees and start kissing random women’s feet.   (This works especially well if they’re currently in the middle of a scene with someone else since they’ll be hot and bothered already.)  Reach into other people’s toy bags and start using their toys too; they wouldn’t bring them if they didn’t intend for people to use them.  If anyone complains about any of this or gets violent, you can accuse them of censorship or of trying to run a dictatorship.
  • Make sure to send women multiple pictures of your dick from slightly different angles.  And set one as your profile picture so she knows you’re submissive from the start.  Nothing says “submission” more than a zoomed-in picture of a penis as the first and most noticeable part of your profile.
  • Any time you disagree with someone, make sure everyone knows about it.  Tell the world that they are evil oppressors who are abusing their privilege.  There is no such thing as a simple disagreement, difference of opinion, or opposing views.  Anyone who disagrees with you is an oppressor who is trampling on your personal rights.

One Response to “The Prequel”

  1. Ferns Says:

    “Make sure to send women multiple pictures of your dick from slightly different angles.”

    THIS! A hundred times this. I mean seriously. When will men on the internet FINALLY understand that one shot just isn’t enough. I mean, am I supposed to *guess* what it looks like from the top, side, bottom, compared to a coke can, erect, semi-erect, flacid, held in a hand, when you come etc etc.

    Geez, use some common sense, people!!


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