People are Dumb (part 7,845)

So you’re poly.  Congratulations.

And you over there- You’re in an open relationship.  Good for you.

The person back there is monogamous.  Yippee freakin’ skippee.

Way over there is someone single but with a lot of play partners.  Yay.

Does that mean you need to knock everyone who doesn’t share your preference?  All too often, I see people posting about how poly is “the natural way” and that monogamy is some artificial construct.  Others point to various animals to “prove” that monogamy is the right way.  Some claim that one arrangement or the other is more “evolved”.  There are also the ubiquitous assertions about certain emotions being unnatural or primal, emotions that should be pushed away or swallowed.

Why do people feel the need to stick all sorts of bogus claims behind their personal choices?  Do they really need this shaky “evidence” to bolster their own decisions?  Why not just say, “This is what I prefer” and stand behind your desires rather than grasping for flimsy reasons to back them up?  Does it come from a lack of confidence in their beliefs?  Or a desire to be looked up to and admired as being more evolved?  Maybe a sense of wanting to belong to an in-group, with the need to knock others who aren’t members of the in-group?  I really don’t see what’s so hard about not talking down to others.  If someone is in a relationship arrangement that you’d never go for, so what?  That doesn’t give you the right to act smug and look down your nose at the infidels.  Personal preferences are just that- They’re not some universal standard.

The tactic of insulting monogamous people is not the best way to get people to look at poly in a favorable light.  And saying that poly people are sick, indecisive, and have purple tentacles  is not the way to win any friends for the monogamous side.  If people genuinely want to gain social acceptance of various relationship dynamics, talking condescendingly about people who do it differently is definitely not the way to go about it.

4 Responses to “People are Dumb (part 7,845)”

  1. Georgeanna Bingley Says:


    I hate the majority of poly articles I come across online because they end up being so superior sounding. AND they (the articles I hate – not every poly article does this shit) throw in some “Poly relationships are great because we communicate with each other!” comments like they just discovered this facet of poly. I just want to ask the authors of any article that includes that line if they’ve ever actually met a monogamous couple – here’s a little secret: all successful relationships involve communication. Communicating is not an activity reserved just for us kinky, non-monogamous folks.

    Personally, I know that my husband and I, being grown-ass adults of reasonable intelligence, spent a lot of time talking before deciding that polyamory works best for us. SoI take the knowledge of how I became poly and apply it to everyone else – in that I assume they are grown-ass adults of reasonable intelligence that decided the way they wanted their relationship to work for them. Whether you’re monogamous, monogamish, swingers, poly, can do everything but actual sex with whoever you want… whatever. If you and your partner(s) are happy with the rules you’ve established then why should I judge? The only way it matters is if it’s someone I want to date. And even then if they have rules I’m not comfortable with it doesn’t mean they’re wrong – just that they probably aren’t a good match for me.

  2. Ferns Says:


    And if I keep saying so, like, louder and louder while getting more and more apoplectic with spittled rage, one day all the wrong people will finally (finally!) understand how right I was all along!

    Then they’ll thank me, and I will be their God(dess)!


  3. m Says:

    “and have purple tentacles”
    but what if they do??
    no, seriously, thank you for putting this into words. unfortunately this goes for every group of people who are not totally mainstream. the louder they call for tolerance, the less tolerant they usually are…
    just my 2c

  4. cammiesonthefloor Says:

    I find that a lot of bloggers speak very positively about their lifestyle choice without putting down another’s. And it is fascinating to see the diversity – incredible to see the respect towards each other.
    If only it were true everywhere. But I believe we’re getting closer.

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