It’s Your Community.

The first time someone referred to me as a “community leader”, I raised an eyebrow.  Yes, I was helping out with different things locally, but I didn’t see it as leadership, just volunteering.  Over time, as I came to have a hand in running more and more groups and events, I came to accept that label.  I suppose I was reluctant initially because I typically equated “community leader” with snobbishness, a sense of entitlement, and self-aggrandizing behavior.  It took me a long time to realize a simple truth: If people are following you or looking to you for example, you are a leader.  Whether you want to be a good leader is a matter of personal choice.  I see a ton of areas that could be improved in the mirror; there’s always room for improvement.

Even if you’re going to events and not running things, you are still in a position of power.  With every event you go to, and every event you decide to skip, you’re voting with your feet and your money.  Without attendees, groups disappear.

I’m involved in my local community because I care.  I want to see it thrive.  I want to see people happy.  I want to be surrounded with all sorts of fun pervocity.  If everyone sat on their couches and wished for a thriving community, it wouldn’t happen.  This leads to another basic truth in life: If you want to accomplish things, you have to actually do stuff.  Don’t give up dreaming, but have a healthy mix of dreaming and doing.

All it takes is a handful of people who are willing to take the initiative in getting things started, whatever flavor of “things” that may be.  Once people see what can be done and what they’re capable of, they step up and create a space that’s better suited for their interests and comforts.  I believe in providing the encouragement to make people aware that the community is theirs to mold as they see fit.  Obviously larger changes require more effort and resources, but the power is in each of our hands.  It’s up to you to either use that power or sit on it.  We are all community leaders.

Yarr, Look Alive, Matey!

I engage in lots of different forms of play, and I do it with people of all experience levels.  One common thread I’ve found though is that the scenes I enjoy the most are the ones in which the top is enthusiastic about what we’re doing.  Regardless of the type of play it is, when the top really gets into it, it makes the scene so much better all around.

This is probably why I typically don’t go for the “icy bitch princess” type.  That lack of enthusiasm tells me she’d rather be doing something else.  I like to know that whoever I’m playing with is genuinely getting into whatever it is we’re doing, not thinking about what she’s going to do as soon as we’re done.

That desire for enthusiasm is even more true when it’s something I don’t want in the moment.  Being made to go through something that I really want to stop is a powerful experience; but when my pain, humiliation, or disgust is met with laughter, smiles, or arousal from the top, it intensifies the whole experience.  It makes it very clear that an energy exchange is taking place: my “oh fuck please stop” directly feeds her “mmmmm“.  It doesn’t get hotter than that.

It doesn’t matter what type of play it is.  Being met with indifference is a sure way to make that particular scene flop.  I liken it to stoic bottoms.  When a top feeds off of the bottom’s whimpers, squirming, or noises, and the bottom fails to react at all, the top doesn’t get much out of it.  By the same token, I feed off of the top’s reactions.  If she’s clearly not getting something out of what we do, why bother?

Some types of play blur that line a bit.  For example, T isn’t so much into foot worship.  We still do it on occasion though; it’s partly her indulging one of my interests and partly the fact that she loves to drive me up a wall while she has me in chastity.  So even if she doesn’t directly enjoy that form of play in itself, she does enjoy making me reeeeeeeally want to cum.  There’s still some sort of appeal in it for both of us, so it works.

Whenever I play with someone, if I’m not reacting, chances are I’m either not into that form of play or we’re not going hard enough.  Likewise, I can’t help but think that if the top isn’t reacting, she also isn’t getting much out of what we’re doing.  I’m not talking about big, overblown, porn-style moaning or anything like that.  Just the occasional laugh, mocking comment, or even her body language, can be enough to let me know that she’s enjoying my humiliation or pain.

If you’re having sex with someone, and they’re just laying there looking bored, not reacting, occasionally checking the clock, it’s very evident they’re not enjoying it.  Why should play be any different?