I engage in lots of different forms of play, and I do it with people of all experience levels. One common thread I’ve found though is that the scenes I enjoy the most are the ones in which the top is enthusiastic about what we’re doing. Regardless of the type of play it is, when the top really gets into it, it makes the scene so much better all around.
This is probably why I typically don’t go for the “icy bitch princess” type. That lack of enthusiasm tells me she’d rather be doing something else. I like to know that whoever I’m playing with is genuinely getting into whatever it is we’re doing, not thinking about what she’s going to do as soon as we’re done.
That desire for enthusiasm is even more true when it’s something I don’t want in the moment. Being made to go through something that I really want to stop is a powerful experience; but when my pain, humiliation, or disgust is met with laughter, smiles, or arousal from the top, it intensifies the whole experience. It makes it very clear that an energy exchange is taking place: my “oh fuck please stop” directly feeds her “mmmmm“. It doesn’t get hotter than that.
It doesn’t matter what type of play it is. Being met with indifference is a sure way to make that particular scene flop. I liken it to stoic bottoms. When a top feeds off of the bottom’s whimpers, squirming, or noises, and the bottom fails to react at all, the top doesn’t get much out of it. By the same token, I feed off of the top’s reactions. If she’s clearly not getting something out of what we do, why bother?
Some types of play blur that line a bit. For example, T isn’t so much into foot worship. We still do it on occasion though; it’s partly her indulging one of my interests and partly the fact that she loves to drive me up a wall while she has me in chastity. So even if she doesn’t directly enjoy that form of play in itself, she does enjoy making me reeeeeeeally want to cum. There’s still some sort of appeal in it for both of us, so it works.
Whenever I play with someone, if I’m not reacting, chances are I’m either not into that form of play or we’re not going hard enough. Likewise, I can’t help but think that if the top isn’t reacting, she also isn’t getting much out of what we’re doing. I’m not talking about big, overblown, porn-style moaning or anything like that. Just the occasional laugh, mocking comment, or even her body language, can be enough to let me know that she’s enjoying my humiliation or pain.
If you’re having sex with someone, and they’re just laying there looking bored, not reacting, occasionally checking the clock, it’s very evident they’re not enjoying it. Why should play be any different?