“Submissive Male Seeks Awkward Interactions with Female Tops”

It’s common to see “looking for play” threads started prior to many BDSM events, whether they’re weekend events or one-night parties.  It’s an easy way for people to put feelers out and attract people who are potential play partners.  Threads like this open the door to negotiation but aren’t an obligation to play.  I’ve had some fantastic scenes by responding (by private message) to threads like this.  But my luck in posting in those threads has been less than stellar.

I tend to play only with people I’m attracted to.  (I don’t need the top to necessarily be attracted to me as long as she’s getting something out of the scene.)  Even for more casual and non-sexual play, that attraction to the top still needs to be there in order for me to enjoy the scene.

When I’ve posted in threads like this before, I’ve met up with those who responded or messaged me.  The chemistry just wasn’t there.  And shooting people down is awkward.  I’m willing to do it when necessary, but I’d prefer to avoid it altogether.  So I’ve mostly stopped posting in those discussions.  Instead, I approach people in person or respond to their posts in “looking for play” threads.  With either approach, I try to use no-pressure tactics.  For example, I offer but don’t ask.  That way, the default answer is no.  If they’re not interested, all they have to do is continue on with their weekend as normal.  No awkward shooting down required.  This has been far more successful in that neither of us have to feel weird about turning the other down.  Though I think if everyone used the “offer rather than ask” method, I’d have no problem in posting something in threads like that.

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