Penis!

Toward the end of my last relationship, cuckolding was occasionally drifting back and forth in my head between a hard limit and a soft limit, or something I’d be willing to do for the right person given enough “persuasion” or outright force.  I didn’t say anything about it though; what if we decided to try it, and that day turned out to be a day when it was more on the hard limit side?  I wanted to make sure I was certain about it being a soft limit before bringing it up.  So I kept thinking on it and processing my thoughts.  Once I reached that point where it became a soft limit with no wavering (maybe a month after we split) I posted on here about it.

I’m currently going though that same back-and-forth process with another type of play.

Strap-on play has been something I’ve found hot for years, but I’ve never experienced a bio-cock other than my own.  At this point, it’s safe to say I’d be up for play and/or sex with a trans woman.  I’d need to be attracted to her (as is the case with any other play partners or sexual partners) but doing something like that is very much within my current limits and something I’m curious to explore.  So I’m not really doing the back-and-forth with that anymore.  That’s on pretty solid ground as far as being feasible is concerned.  I’ve come to the realization that I’m attracted to people who present as feminine, regardless of whether that person has a dick or a vag. With me attraction is more about the presentation, not the parts.

What I am drifting one way and another with is forced bi.  There’s a big problem though in that I have yet to meet a man I find attractive.  One possible workaround would be a glory hole, but not a true random-stranger type setup.  I rather enjoy being not dead and I’d like to stay that way, so random guys in seedy glory holes are absolutely not an option.  If we were to try this, T would know his identity and would need to have the STI conversation beforehand.  But prior to that, the first obstacle is to stop drifting back and forth on it.  There are occasions when I find myself thinking it could possibly be hot, given enough involvement from T in the scene.  Maybe.  But there are other times when it’s still a limit.  I don’t feel safe exploring something when I keep changing my mind on it from day to day; that’s just asking for disaster.

I’ve already been made to eat other mens’ cum on a couple different occasions, so that aspect wouldn’t really be anything new.  From what I can tell so far, the appeal of this type of play for me seems to be more of power and d/s.  Most of my major hot-button kinks are ones that push me hard and make more evident her dominance over me.  Things that cause my brain to scream, “Oh fuck, stopstopstopstop please make it stoppppppp!”  Considering that this is something that has always been firmly in hard limit territory for me, I think it may have that quality as well.  Maybe I’ll find out at some point.  This process took a long time with cuckolding though, so I don’t expect this to be any different.  One step at a time.

Another Piece of the Puzzle in Place

In my last relationship, I was with someone who wanted to cuckold me.  I always immediately shot the idea down.  Wouldn’t even consider it.  It was very much in hard limit territory.  But toward the end of that relationship, my fantasies started to shift a little, as they tend to do over time.  Cuckolding was still a hard limit, but a scene involving being made to eat another man’s cum started to creep into my head now and then.  I’d been made to eat my own cum on plenty of occasions, but there was a tiny spark of curiosity developing; I had a feeling it would be more intense and more d/s-ish if it were another man’s cum.

Those conflicting feelings ate at me.  I couldn’t figure out why I could be open to doing that one thing, yet still be a brick wall when it came to cuckolding in general.  It took me a long time, but I sorted it out.

Cuckolding had always been framed up to me as a relationship dynamic.  That was seemingly the only way to do it.  The dom could go out and fuck whoever she wanted, with or without the sub present.  There could be feelings involved with the other men they fucked (sort of a one-sided poly) or they could just be fuck buddies.  I met women at events and talked with others online who wanted to get into cuckolding because it gave them the benefits of poly and/or swinging without the responsibilities; they didn’t want to share their partners with anyone else, yet they wanted to share themselves with others.  It’s a rather lousy thing to tell someone through your actions, “You’re going to learn to handle the heavy emotional baggage involved with this dynamic, but I’m not willing to make the same effort for you.”  This really rubbed me the wrong way as it’s a horribly selfish way to approach a supposedly loving relationship.

In trying to figure it out, I saw all the typical portrayals in femdom and cuckolding groups online, and for some reason, I believed them.  I watched the pitiful, emasculated subs being told they were nothing.  I read the disdain from the other men (fuck buddies, bulls, whatever you want to call them.)  I witnessed the way the women in the groups talked about how their sub’s needs didn’t matter at all since they were disposable and useless.  I started to believe this crap, not realizing it was yet another stereotypical porn fantasy.  I didn’t realize there are so many other ways to do cuckolding.

The cuckolding purists (every group has its overzealous purists) may disagree.  The standard definition of cuckolding is that the couple is married.  And the sub doesn’t get to fuck anyone else or play with anyone else.  Sometimes he doesn’t even fuck his own wife.

In reality, it doesn’t have to be that way.  It’s possible to do cuckolding as an individual scene rather than as a relationship dynamic.  Marriage isn’t necessary to make this happen either.  This is where I stumbled when I first started having those fantasies; I didn’t separate the stereotypes from the reality of it.  For some reason I hadn’t considered that doing a scene like this was even an option.  I thought it had to be the porn cliché or nothing.  It seems that those who get into this in a non-stereotypical way are far less vocal, so I never saw it.

After all that time arguing with myself, tossing ideas around in my head, and wondering why I couldn’t figure this out, I finally have it nailed down.  It simply comes down to cuckolding as a relationship dynamic vs. cuckolding as an individual scene.  While the former is still firmly in hard limit territory for me, the latter can be a mind-blowing, incredibly hot, oh-fuck-please-make-it-stop type of ordeal.  A scene like this can be a shared experience rather than an exercise in selfishness.  Such a basic solution to a problem that followed me around for some time.

My Inaugural Post as a Norse Deity

The other night was a night of expanding boundaries.  And then stomping on those boundaries.  And setting them on fire.  We ended up popping a few play cherries as well in addition to doing some play that was formerly a hard limit for me.  T implied that she had something special planned for that night, but I had no idea what.  I am coming up on a birthday, which is also the same day she collared me two years ago.  It’s a birthdayversary.  So there are celebration-worthy occasions about.

I picked T up from work and we went to my place.  She told me to strip and kiss her feet.  She then made me clean the soles of her sandals with my tongue.  This has a pretty intense cognitive dissonance with me.  All I could think as I was doing it was of her earlier comment that day about how dirty the floor at work is.  My brain wanted it to stop, but certain other parts of me disagreed vehemently.

Afterward she had me crawl into my cage in the living room.  Before closing it, she put earplugs in my ears and a hood over my head.  She had only done this once before, so I started to guess at what was coming: some sort of group scene.

She kept me in the cage for what felt like about an hour.  Eventually letting me out, she led me upstairs, still hooded.  Upon removing the hood, there stood two of our friends, a male-female couple.  I’ve played with the female half of this couple a few times before, and it was always gobs of fun.  She and T wasted no time in getting me into position.  They had me kneel at the foot of my bed (facing the bed), stretched my arms wide, cuffed them to the footboard, and popped a set of nipple clamps on me.  One thing was present that I wasn’t used to seeing during a scene: cake.  They brought a small cake with them, and it was sitting on my dresser.  After some initial biting, scratching, and ass-smacking, they began saying how nice it was that my male friend was going to help decorate my cake.  His partner mentioned that it was even nicer of T to help him with this decoration.  As she said this, T got up on the bed, on all fours, face-to-face with me.  He then proceeded to fuck T from behind while his partner probed my ass and bit me.  In this position, I was unable to turn away, my face a foot or two away from T’s as she moaned and writhed.  She’d occasionally look me in the eye or smile at me, letting me know how much she was enjoying rubbing this in my face.  Her face was saying, “I’m loving this and you can’t do a thing about it!”  Her cheeks became flush after a while, and this time I wasn’t the one causing it.  I’d yank on the cuffs, but they didn’t give at all.  At one point T realized this whole situation had made my dick stand at attention; she just looked at my hard cock and laughed in my face while enjoying someone else’s hard cock.  That absolutely drove me up a wall!

I also had the realization that this was actually happening.  Something that had always been a hard limit for me was now going on.  For real.  Not in my head.  Not on some fet group or in a story, but in my bedroom.  Flesh and blood.  This was reality.

After a while he stopped fucking T and asked for the cake.  To both women’s cheers, he came all over it, and they set it aside.  Afterward, his partner had me suck her dildo, which resulted in an orgasm for her and was ten pounds of sexy.  The three of us played some more while my male friend watched.  Eventually he had enough for round two, and masturbated onto the cake again.

Still kneeling and cuffed in place, T brought the plate of cake over and cut off a bite-size piece.  She dragged it through the cum on the plate and brought it up to my mouth.  “Please, no…” I said, which was met with , “Open wide!”

BDV (4)

She kept feeding me forkful after forkful, making me shudder.  I couldn’t taste the cum at all, but I could tell it was there from the texture.  Not as bad as eating cum straight, but still difficult.  Then T said, “Now I’m going to make it even better” and walked away.  She came back shortly after with a cup of her piss. . . which she promptly poured all over the cake.  They uncuffed me and led me downstairs to the kitchen.  The plate was placed on the floor, and T made me start eating.  It was mushy and warm.  I can’t say I’d ever had mushy and warm cake until that point.  The three of them cut a slice for themselves from a separate cake, one devoid of piss, cum, and other such lavish garnishments.  They stood there eating theirs, remarking on how good it was, while I gagged and swallowed piss cake.  (As I write this, I’m eating a leftover piece of the cake not covered in bodily fluids; they were right, it is really tasty!)

This wasn’t the end though.  T wiped my face off with a paper towel and led me back upstairs.  She showed me a picture online and the trail of comments that followed.  It was a picture she’d posted after our anniversary scene in December.  She’d carved “happy anniversary hardcore legend” into my back that night.  (For an explanation of that nickname, click here.)  The guy who dubbed me with that nickname commented on the photo right after it had been posted, saying he should’ve given me a longer nickname.  I jokingly suggested “Sir Thor LionHammerThunder, Great Defender of the North.”  This exchange occurred soon after the picture was posted in December, and I’d forgotten all about it.

That smartassery came back to bite me.

BDV (32)

This cutting took a while.  Last time she carved words into my back, I had a really hard time not squirming all over the place.  This time, it was a little different.  T started humming softly at one point, which is an ASMR trigger for me.  She was going for a creepy vibe by quietly humming a song while cutting me, which she definitely accomplished.  But at the same time, it relaxed my head just enough to avoid crawling off the bed.  I still felt every cut though.  Also, our female friend kept rubbing my legs (and at one point I think sat on them?) which helped as well.  I was able to tolerate the cutting without any real sudden jerks this time.

Soon after, our friends left.  Laying on the bed with T, I found myself spontaneously begging her to let me cum.  Begging is still difficult for me, so the fact that I did it without her telling me to speaks to how worked up I was.  I was stunned when she said yes, but I wasn’t going to question that.  After six months without being allowed to orgasm at all, it felt amazing.  Fireworks.  It felt like my brain was short-circuited for a minute or so after.  She did have me eat all my cum afterward, but I was still so floaty and happy that I got to cum that it wasn’t as bad as usual.  Strangely, after long periods of chastity, when I finally get to orgasm again, I sometimes get into a giggle fit right after.  I had a small one after this orgasm too.  Definitely a solid way to end the night!

Shedding Limits

During a conversation with T the other night, the topic of bisexuality came up.  She (and many others in the community) has been teasing me for years about how she wants to see me get fucked by or suck off another man.  In regard to me having sex with another man, she said, “Yeah, that’ll never happen.”  That made me think.  There are a lot of things in BDSM that once elicited the reaction of, “oh, hell no, never” from me.  And those are things I do now.  For example, drinking piss and getting fucked by a woman with a strap-on were once hard limits for me.  Over time, these things somehow morphed into things I’d be willing to do if pushed hard enough.  Often it happened slowly enough that I didn’t realize it, until one day I realized, “Hey, this isn’t a hard limit anymore.  I might be willing to do this for the right person if persuaded properly.”

More recently, eating another man’s cum was a limit.  But even this limit went away, and T made me do that at one point a while back.  That was not something I ever thought I’d do.  Yet it happened.  Even watching her fuck or suck another man and be made to clean up afterward is no longer a limit.  That’s huge for me.  I don’t know why these things can morph over time.  What’s more, I’m not sure if there’s a conscious way to change limits.  Even if there is, is it ethical to attempt to alter someone else’s limits?  I imagine that depends on the scope of d/s within the relationship.  (Note that there is a difference between trying to slowly change limits over the long term vs. just trampling those limits nonconsensually.)

In regard to my current hard limits, who knows what tomorrow will bring?  I’ve been surprised at the limits which have evaporated thus far, and I’m sure that any limits that disappear in the future will take me off guard as well.  I’m only a decade into the BDSM journey, and from what I’ve seen, we never stop learning, growing, and changing.

When it comes to bisexuality in particular, my issue is that I’m simply not attracted to anyone presenting as masculine, regardless of what’s in their pants.  I am, however, very attracted to femininity.  And parts are different than presentation.  So there may be a workaround there.  Even then, it’s not an experience I’m actively pursuing.  I could see this type of scene working to some extent, at least in theory.  I do reeeeeeeally get turned on by oral forms of dominance- foot worship, armpit licking, strap-on fellatio, cum eating, rimming, gags, mouth soaping (at least in theory) etc.  So that aspect of it at least has potential.

Erasing limits, from my experience, tends to run smoothly when it happens at its own pace.  Then again, I’ve never experienced pushing past limits by any means other than that (for example, using d/s to nudge it along) so I wouldn’t really know.

Cleanup on Aisle Three

At a munch a little while back, I was talking with someone about all the different relationship dynamics that exist out there.  He mentioned cuckolding as one of those dynamics.  I realized then that I haven’t clearly elucidated my evolving thoughts on cuckolding, not even to myself.  This post is also for me to straighten out my own thoughts and finally put them down in a more tangible form.

Cuckolding has always been a limit for me, as has everything to do with it.  And I mean this about every form of cuckolding.  The most common form of cuckoldry is when the woman has sex with others but the man doesn’t.  However I’ve also seen cuckoldry applied in the sense of one-sided polyamorous relationships, one-sided restrictions on casual play, or d/s relationships in which the woman has multiple subs yet the subs are all completely monogamous to her.  So there are a lot of varieties of cuckolding.

Anything vaguely related to this type of dynamic has always been a limit as well, whether we’re talking about eating another man’s cum, watching my partner’s sexual activities with someone else, or even teasing about it.  My only guess is that these things hit a little too close to home after having been cheated on about a year before I got into the BDSM community.  The woman who cheated on me had been interested in cuckolding me, but I wouldn’t go for it.  She did it anyway without my consent.  Which, of course, ended that relationship.

In the next relationship after that happened, I was with someone (my previous partner, G) who had an interest in the cuckolding dynamic, but I wouldn’t even consider anything to do with it because the thought of it was just too painful.  I couldn’t imagine going through something like that and seeing it as erotic.  My reaction was essentially a brick wall.  I instantly shut that idea down every time she brought it up.  It was just too much of a sensitive issue for me.

This all slowly started to morph into something else over the years though.

Not long before my last relationship ended, some of this was beginning to transition into more of a soft limit for me.  In other words, things I’d be willing to do with the right person under the right circumstances.  T and I have even taken our first foray into this type of play a while back when she made me lick another man’s cum from her feet.  That’s not something I ever thought I’d be able to do, and it was one of the more difficult yet incredibly sexy scenes I’ve ever been a part of.  Even during the year that’s elapsed since that scene, things have changed.  When we did that scene, I was not ok with seeing who it was; it was essentially anonymous cum from my perspective, though she obviously knew who it came from.  The anonymity in this kind of scene is no longer a need for me.  T has teased me about making me watch her fuck someone else and then having me clean her up, and my reaction was not like it would’ve been years ago.  Instead of instant repulsion and anger, my reaction was more along the lines of cognitive dissonance, my brain both getting aroused and slowly backing away at the same time.  (Admit it, you now have a mental image of my brain with little legs, gently walking backwards.)

This sensitive issue of my partner having sex with other men has slowly changed into something still powerful, but no longer riddled with negative emotions.  It seems to have a different air about it now; obviously consent makes a difference.  Doing this type of play is a way of turning it around, humiliating me, rubbing my face in it, and delighting in it… not hiding it.  That’s a world apart from infidelity.  It takes sex with others from being something shameful and hidden to something more erotic, a shared experience, a form of play.

Our relationship is semi-open, or monogamish, whatever you want to call it.  We each have a short list of people we can be intimate with.  Definitely not a cuckolding setup; we each have the same freedom.  During that aforementioned conversation at a munch a few months back, I was asked about whether cuckolding would ever work for me.  In the future, I have no idea, since my kink has evolved over the years.  I can’t say with any certainty that I’ll never do X or Y.  As for right now, the only way cuckolding would work for me would be if I were involved every single time.  If I were to agree to complete sexual monogamy while she didn’t, I’d need to be part of every one of those encounters in some way, whether it’s watching, cleanup, or something else; otherwise, I think I’d grow resentful.

Just reading that last sentence, I’m a little startled at the change from when I first started out in BDSM, or even just 3-4 years ago.  It’s not something I ever thought I’d find myself saying.  It also makes me wonder what other areas will open up for me in the coming years.  Yay for growth!

An Assignment

Recently T gave me an assignment.  She had me write a short story incorporating a form of play we’ve never done before.  While I’m not a prolific writer, the result of this assignment got us both pretty worked up.  Here’s the story I sent her-

———————

Crystal texted him at work that morning.  She knew she wouldn’t get to see him until Friday, and that wasn’t coming nearly quickly enough.  “This weekend was a lot of fun.  By the way, I left you a surprise when we were at your place.  Look in your dresser when you get home.”  Adam was on edge all day, trying to figure out what it was.  He tried to get hints, to no avail.  What was it?  Not a clue from her.  She wouldn’t give up even the slightest bit of information.

When he finally got home, he wasted no time in getting to his dresser.  He hastily checked each drawer, finally making his way to the last one.  Inside was a ziploc and a note.

bitch-
Since I can’t be there in person to do it, you’re going to fuck yourself today.  In the bag you’ll find two of my socks.  They’re in dire need of cleaning since I wore them both to work and then out dancing.  While you fuck yourself, put one in your mouth and hold the other against your nose.  I want you aching for me.


Adam shivered slightly.

Later that evening, she called him, asking if he did as she told him.  “Yes, Ma’am, I did.” he said.

“Good boy.”  Even the little purr in her voice got him hard in the cock cage.  “I can’t wait until Friday.  I have something more in mind for you.”

The days dragged.  With each passing day, she further taunted him.  He wasn’t sure whether to look forward to Friday or dread it.  When the day finally arrived, each hour went slower than the next.  They both watched the clock as the minutes ticked painfully by.

At last.  It was time.

Adam picked her up at the time they agreed on, and Crystal decided she wanted to eat first, so they found a place they liked and went in.  As they worked on their meals, she leaned across the table, playing lightly with the key around her neck.  “How long has it been since I last let you orgasm, boy?”

“Almost ten months, Ma’am.”

Crystal grinned.  “Do you know how many hundreds of orgasms I’ve had with you locked up?”  It was a rhetorical question, but one that made him fidget in his seat.  “It might even be in the thousands by now.  And you haven’t even had one.  Not a single release.”  His face flushed a little.  He wanted to scream; it had been so long since she let him cum.  His balls felt swollen and achy.  It was almost painful for him to think of her having so many orgasms, while all he could do is scratch at the cage.  For the rest of the meal, the look on her face reminded him of what he couldn’t have, and of her control over him.

On the way home, Crystal gently stroked the cock cage through his pants.  “Maybe today’s the day.  If you’re lucky.  Or maybe next month.”  She looked at him more intensely.  “Then again, I might not let you cum for another year or two.”  Adam let out a soft whimper.

Arriving back at Adam’s house, she immediately had him strip and placed the collar around his neck.  “Get in the cage.” she said as she pointed down at the open door.  As soon as he backed in, she snapped the lock shut.

Then she walked away.

After what seemed to Adam like an hour, she came back.  Crouching down, she grasped the padlock, and Adam could see the key in her other hand.  She slid it back and forth between her fingers, then slowly brought it up to the lock, inserting it halfway.  Looking at him, she paused, laughed, then got up and walked away again, taking the key with her.

Eventually she came back and sat on the couch, opening a book.  He really wanted out by now.  He grabbed the bars and pushed.  Crystal momentarily glanced up, then returned to reading.  Chapter after chapter.  He wondered how long she was going to keep this up.  “How long can one person possibly read?!?” he thought.  She was so relaxed and content on the couch.  She looked like she’d never move.

Finally, she put the book down and got up.  Crouching in front of him again, she said, “You look like you really want out of there.”

“Yes, Ma’am!  Please!”  His voice quivered a little.  But this was only met with more laughter.  As she walked away yet again, Adam just whimpered “no” and clawed at the bars.  Crystal settled in again, this time with her computer.  She had a lot she wanted to catch up on online.  E-mails to send, pictures to post, documents to compose, conversations to read.

Tick-tock.  Tick-tock.  Tick-tock.

He wasn’t sure how long he’d been locked in the cage, but he desperately wanted out.  His pleas were only met with a smirk or a simple “No.”  He tried pulling on the lock, fidgeting with the door latch, yanking on the bars… Nothing.  He was trapped, and he couldn’t do a thing about it.

It was dark outside now.  She stayed on her computer for what seemed like an eternity.  When she finally came over and opened the cage, he scrambled out.  She’d kept him locked away much longer than he’d wanted, but Crystal wanted him in that helpless, subservient mindset.

Grabbing him by the collar, she led him roughly to the couch.  “Kneel.”  He did as she told him, getting down on the hard floor.  She stood over him, looking down at the kneeling man at her feet.  “I love the power I have over you.”  Then she spit on the floor in front of him and smiled.  She brought her foot over and stepped in it, slowly twisting her foot back and forth in the spit on the smooth floor.  She sat and crossed her legs.  Pointing, she said, “Clean my shoe, boy.”  Adam hesitantly got on all fours and brought his face to her foot.  He could see the marks and wear on the bottom of her shoe; this was a pair she wore often.  When he looked up at her face, she was looking back at him with calm expectation.  She didn’t even need to say it.  He slowly brought his tongue to her sole and dragged it across.  And again.  He couldn’t help but think of all the places she’d walked in those shoes as he licked the spit from her sole.

When he felt he was done, he sat back on his heels.  Crystal gave a sigh of satisfaction and stood up.  Looking down at him, she again spit on the floor in the same spot.  Letting out a chuckle, she thoroughly rubbed her other shoe in the spit and sat back down.  As he started to clean this shoe, she said, “Never forget that I own your mouth just as much as I own the rest of you.”  He was humiliated, but he knew she was right.  And she was willing to prove it.

After a couple minutes, she stood up.  As she started up the stairs, she motioned for him to follow.

“Give me your arms.”  She slid the straitjacket over his arms and brought the straps around the back.  Leaving the bottom strap undone, she ordered him to bend over the bed, and he heard the snap of a rubber glove.  A few seconds later, he felt a cool sensation around his ass.  Crystal worked her finger around his asshole, then eased it in, eliciting a moan from Adam.  She slid her finger in and out, and added another.  Soon after, she removed her fingers and slowly pushed a dildo inside him.  She inserted it all the way and stopped.  Pulling the last strap on the straitjacket up, she fastened it, securing the dildo in Adam’s ass.

“Come here, bitch.”

He walked uncomfortably behind her into another room, where she told him to have a seat.  Gingerly, he sat, gasping as he put his weight down and the dildo pushed in just a little further.  Crystal fastened ankle cuffs around him and locked them to each other.  After she tied the cuffs to the chair leg, she strapped his upper body tightly to the backrest with a couple belts.  Finally she shoved a gag in his mouth and buckled it in place.  Stepping back, she admired her work.  Adam would occasionally squirm, but every time he did, he could feel the dildo inside him.  He couldn’t get it out, couldn’t say a word, and he couldn’t move.

Crystal eased onto his lap and started teasing him.  She whispered in his ear, “If you need to safeword… well… too bad.  I imagine it’s hard to talk with that gag in your mouth.”  She grabbed him by the throat and playfully teased his ear with her tongue.

“Mmmmph!”  Squeezing his throat more forcefully to hold him in place, she kept at it, making his cock strain against the cage.  He couldn’t get away.  More tongue.  More choking.  More struggling.

Crystal slid off his lap, crouched down, and brought her face down between his legs.  She lazily ran a finger across the now-full chastity device.  “Most men are ecstatic at the thought of oral sex.”  Taking the cock cage into her mouth, she worked her lips around it, dragging her tongue across the tiny bits of exposed skin.  “But most men aren’t kept in cock cages.”  She laughed deeply.

Suddenly, a knock at the door.

Adam was surprised when Crystal didn’t just ignore it.   As he listened to her footsteps down the stairs, his mind raced.

There were voices downstairs.  A few minutes later, Crystal came back up the stairs, followed by two others.

She came back in and sat on his lap.  Looking at him squarely, she said,  “I’m going to suck off another man tonight.  And you’re going to watch me do it.”

“Mmmph!  Mmmgnnn!”  Adam shook his head, but she just laughed.

Crystal removed her shoes.  Before setting them down, she held one of them firmly against Adam’s nose and made him breathe in her scent for a while.  She stripped and took her clothes into the next room, followed by one of the men.  She came back not long after and knelt in front of the remaining man.  She groped and kneaded at the bulge in his pants, then smiled and undid his zipper.  Taking his cock into her mouth, she could see Adam squirming out the corner of her eye.  She teased the man’s cock with her lips.  As she slowly slid her tongue across it, she smiled a little at Adam with a look that said, “I bet you wish this was you.”  Crystal slid his cock in and out of her mouth, over and over, and all Adam could do was watch helplessly.  The man’s moans were becoming stronger.  “Nrrrrgmm!  Mmmp!” was all Adam could say.  She was getting him close.

The man moaned loudly as he came.  It was a sound Adam used to make quite a lot himself, and he longed desperately to be the one having that orgasm.  Adam could see him spasm strongly as he orgasmed, and he wished desperately that it could be him.  He wanted those powerful waves of pleasure to wrack his body.  Instead, he was watching it happen to someone else.  A few more thrusts into Crystal’s mouth, and he pulled away.  She turned and looked Adam in the eyes, then got up and walked toward him.  Standing beside him, she smirked a little and unfastened the gag, tossing it on the floor.  Placing one hand on the back of his head, she slowly moved her face down, closer to his.  “Please, no…” he whispered as he pulled his face back.

SLAP!

It stunned him.

SLAP!

The second made him whimper.

SLAP!

He kept his head down and to the side, eyes firmly closed, not wanting her to hit him anymore.  He wanted it to stop.

Standing over him, Crystal brought her lips to his, holding his head tight with her hand.  She kissed him deeply.  The cum dripped down from her mouth to his as they kissed.  He tried to pull away, but she wouldn’t let him.  Her tongue, covered in cum, invaded his mouth.  Crystal moaned in pleasure; Adam writhed, unable to stop any of it, unable to fight back.  She continued to kiss him, making the cum swirl around in his mouth.

Once she had all the cum in his mouth, she pulled away from his face and whispered, “Swallow.”

He couldn’t.

The look she gave him made it very clear that he wouldn’t like what happened if he didn’t obey.

He shuddered as the warm cum slithered down his throat.  Crystal laughed, knowing how much he just wanted it to end.

She knelt down and zipped up the man’s pants.  Turning to Adam, she mockingly told him not to go anywhere, and they both walked away.  Adam heard them going down the stairs.  He was left alone with nothing more than his thoughts and the taste of another man’s cum in his mouth.

When she returned a little while later, she was holding something behind her back.  Once she sat on Adam’s lap, she showed him.  Her panties.  Covered in cum.  The second man must’ve been busy as well.

“Open.”

Adam tried to speak, but nothing came out.  Crystal brought her hand up as if to slap him, causing him to flinch back.

“Open.”  Reluctantly he opened his mouth some.  “Wider.”  He did.  She stuffed her cummy panties in Adam’s mouth, the cum smearing all over his tongue.  The taste was overwhelming, someone else’s cum mixed with the taste of Crystal’s pussy.  Forcefully pushing a finger behind his jaw, she again teased him by licking in and around his ears.  It was too much for Adam to take.  He tried pleading with her, but with her panties in his mouth, nothing intelligible came out.  He knew too well that there would be trouble if he spit them out.  A soft whimper escaped from behind the panties.

When she’d finally had enough, and long after he’d had enough, she relented.  She unfastened the bondage holding him to the chair, but left him in the straitjacket.  Leading him by the collar, she brought him to the bathroom and made him kneel.

Crystal pulled her panties out of his mouth and looked down at him.  “I bet that tastes pretty nasty.  You don’t seem to like eating other men’s cum.”  Adam looked up at her, shaking a little, his head slightly bowed.  “That’s okay, the taste won’t be there much longer.  I’m going to wash it right out.”  She reached over for a bar of soap.

“I… I… but…”

There was no time to talk.  She slid the soap into his mouth.  “Glllmmp!”  Holding the back of his head, she forced the soap in and out of his mouth as he fought against the straitjacket.  In and out, the taste grew stronger as she worked up a lather.  She would occasionally remove the soap from his mouth, making him think it was over, only to reinsert it and start again.  Tears started to well up in his eyes after a minute or two.  “Please, just stop” he thought.

And she did, finally.

Adam sank back to his heels, Crystal towering over him.

“I really like watching men cum.  Just not you.”  She slowly walked around him, gently caressing his skin.  “It sucks for you that you’re going to be the one to clean up all those orgasms, even though I won’t let you cum.  You’re going to be eating quite a lot of other men’s cum on a regular basis.  They’ll be having all the orgasms that you’re not getting.  And no, you don’t have a choice in the matter.”

“But…”

Before he could get another word out, Crystal bent over and spit in his face.   He felt small.  His arms bound, he had no way to fight this humiliating display.  Her spit trickled slowly down his forehead, nose, and cheeks.  “But don’t worry, bitch.  I may let you cum someday, if I’m feeling generous.  Maybe next week.”  Again, she spit in his face.  “Or maybe not.”

His squirming only fueled her laughter.

The Cream and the Crop

I’m finally solidifying my thoughts on T making me eat another man’s cum a couple weeks ago.  It took a while for the thoughts and feelings to ferment since it’s something so new to me and something I never thought I’d do.  My feelings on this have been whirling around, randomly scattered throughout my cerebrum, so it took some time to yank them down and line them up.

One thing I’ve realized is that I’m not quite as concerned with anonymity as I was before.  She had me stay in the bathroom with ear plugs so I wouldn’t know who the other man was.  After that scene, I’m not too worried about keeping the other men anonymous now.  I’m not real sure why that is though.  I’ll have to chew on that thought a bit more.  Maybe I was just worried I wouldn’t be able to clean up the cum if I saw where it came from; not being attracted to men, I thought that might be off-putting.

As we were cuddling after that scene was over, T mentioned a conversation she’d had with another domme previously.  In regard to eating other mens’ cum, this other woman said, “That’s how you know a slave is really serious about serving, if he’s willing to do that.”  That statement stuck with me.  It makes me realize that T values the fact that I’m willing to do this even though it pushes me hard.  Having your actions appreciated feels really good.

I’m trying to wrap my head around this being a regular part of our play now.  Part of me is still screaming “I DON’T WANNA I DON’T WANNA I DON’T WANNA!!!!” but another part of me knows that only makes her want to do it even more.  When I asked her what she enjoyed about this scene, the first thing she mentioned was “that you didn’t like it.”  Gulp.  One on hand, I like the fact that she gets off on pushing me so hard, and that she gets so much out of doing things to me that I don’t always like.  It’s powerful.  It adds a lot to the d/s between us.  But at the same time, when she pushes me hard, I want it to stop.  I just want to bury my head like an ostrich and hope that she doesn’t see me.

For a while I even considered pretending to be super-enthusiastic about being made to eat other mens’ cum, acting as if the yes/no dichotomy didn’t exist for this type of play.  But I know she wouldn’t fall for that.  Besides, I think I’d have a hard time pulling that off; I’m not a good liar.  I’m slowly coming to the realization that I may just eventually need to accept this as part of our dynamic.  But… I DON’T WANNA!!!!

There is still the unknown hanging over my head as well.  She’s floated various ideas for this type of play- creampies, snowballing after going down on someone else, making me lick cum from her armpit or off her shoe, gagging me with her socks or panties after someone cums on them, etc.  At one point she even mentioned wanting to have a gangbang and make me clean up all the other mens’ cum one by one as they shoot their loads.  That last one especially makes me want to back away slowly; it’s like the human equivalent of the pimp cup idea*shudder*  It’s an incredibly intimidating concept.  

She makes me worry.  Quite a lot sometimes.  But in the end, I love that she pushes me hard.  Even if I just want to run away as it’s happening.