Humiliation Rumination

24 hours ago, I was in another state, having a fun scene with a couple women whose company I found I rather enjoyed.  This was a 2-on-1 scene; I love the energy of those type of scenes.  Prior to this, we did the usual negotiation that you do for casual play.  One of them asked me how I felt about humiliation.  The short answer I gave is that humiliation is hit-or-miss for me and that I may possibly be up for something if it’s a strong interest of theirs.  I generally don’t do much of this type of play with people I haven’t played with before.  Humiliation is so individual that I generally don’t pursue it unless we’ve got a scene or two under our belt together.  Or at least have a really long conversation first.

That simple question made me think on the drive home today.  I still don’t know why certain types of humiliation work or don’t work for me.  I’m not well-read in psychology.  But the first step in finding out the “why” is sorting out what works and what doesn’t.

I already know that the logical side of my brain gets in the way of some things.  For example, small cock humiliation.  I’ve been in enough locker rooms (and around the BDSM community long enough) to know that I’m average size and proportional to my body.  And my brain also blocks all the stereotypical “not a real man” or “worthless” stuff.  That kind of approach makes me think, “If you don’t feel I’m worth your time, there’s the door.  Bye now.”

Other forms of humiliation that I know definitely don’t work for me are what I call “stupid human tricks”.  These are things that are done for the top’s amusement but carry no erotic value, e.g. ridiculous costumes, singing silly songs, or acting the fool at the top’s direction to elicit laughter.  Don’t get me wrong, being laughed at can be über-hot; but sadistic laughter is totally different than “you’re pathetic and I can’t believe you’re doing this” laughter.  Sadistic laughter can get me in to that delectable melty headspace, but the latter completely pulls me out of the scene.

What does work?  Many of the things that work for me are physical in nature and carry some level of social connotation.

Face-spitting is one that hits that button really well.  Forcefully launching a mouthful of saliva right at someone’s face is widely considered insulting, and it also carries that “I just spit in your face- What are you going to do about it?” vibe.  Derogatory, degrading, and very powerful.  Precisely why it appeals to me so much.

Being made to clean the dirt from the soles of the top’s shoes or boots also lands pretty squarely near the humiliation bullseye for me.  It’s just flat-out dirty and disgusting.  It’s literally the lowest point on that person’s being.  I’ve only experienced this a couple times, but based on those experiences, the humiliation factor is fairly strong.

Armpit licking is another I have pretty limited experience with.  Obviously this is best done with no deodorant, as 15-syllable chemicals aren’t the best thing to be ingesting.  Armpits carry that dirty, nasty connotation that I so adore.  Being made to do this involves feeling a certain indignity and powerlessness.  Yow.

Forced feminization (I know, not truly “forced”) is something I’ve touched on before and won’t go into detail in here.  In short, I don’t see femininity as humiliating.  I find this type of play humiliating because it’s playing with all the bullshit crammed down our throats from a young age.  We’re “supposed to” act this way or that because of the way we were born, and anything other than that is cause for social repercussions.  Using this social stigma as a source of humiliation in BDSM is a way of taking life’s BS and making something erotic out of it.  I liken it to women who get off on being called “slut” or “whore”; they’re taught not to be those things by society, and so they take that pressure and turn it into the sexy during a scene.

I imagine the top washing my mouth out with a bar of soap would also carry a strong humiliation groove.  This is pure speculation, but I think since the act carries a certain amount of authoritarian vibe as well as the pure nastiness of it, it would likely have a humiliating effect.

There aren’t any forms of verbal humiliation listed here.  That’s because I haven’t yet found any solid forms of verbal humiliation that consistently have that same kind of effect on me.  To be fair, I haven’t experienced a ton of verbal humiliation, but most of the times I have, it was met on my part with indifference, disbelief, or genuine anger.  We’ve just started to explore cuckolding (as individual scenes, not as a relationship dynamic) and this might possibly provide an effective angle for some verbal.  I’m not real sure what it’d take to hit that verbal humiliation bullseye.  In the meantime, I’m going to keep wandering around this kinky landscape and explore as much as I can.

An Assignment

Recently T gave me an assignment.  She had me write a short story incorporating a form of play we’ve never done before.  While I’m not a prolific writer, the result of this assignment got us both pretty worked up.  Here’s the story I sent her-

———————

Crystal texted him at work that morning.  She knew she wouldn’t get to see him until Friday, and that wasn’t coming nearly quickly enough.  “This weekend was a lot of fun.  By the way, I left you a surprise when we were at your place.  Look in your dresser when you get home.”  Adam was on edge all day, trying to figure out what it was.  He tried to get hints, to no avail.  What was it?  Not a clue from her.  She wouldn’t give up even the slightest bit of information.

When he finally got home, he wasted no time in getting to his dresser.  He hastily checked each drawer, finally making his way to the last one.  Inside was a ziploc and a note.

bitch-
Since I can’t be there in person to do it, you’re going to fuck yourself today.  In the bag you’ll find two of my socks.  They’re in dire need of cleaning since I wore them both to work and then out dancing.  While you fuck yourself, put one in your mouth and hold the other against your nose.  I want you aching for me.


Adam shivered slightly.

Later that evening, she called him, asking if he did as she told him.  “Yes, Ma’am, I did.” he said.

“Good boy.”  Even the little purr in her voice got him hard in the cock cage.  “I can’t wait until Friday.  I have something more in mind for you.”

The days dragged.  With each passing day, she further taunted him.  He wasn’t sure whether to look forward to Friday or dread it.  When the day finally arrived, each hour went slower than the next.  They both watched the clock as the minutes ticked painfully by.

At last.  It was time.

Adam picked her up at the time they agreed on, and Crystal decided she wanted to eat first, so they found a place they liked and went in.  As they worked on their meals, she leaned across the table, playing lightly with the key around her neck.  “How long has it been since I last let you orgasm, boy?”

“Almost ten months, Ma’am.”

Crystal grinned.  “Do you know how many hundreds of orgasms I’ve had with you locked up?”  It was a rhetorical question, but one that made him fidget in his seat.  “It might even be in the thousands by now.  And you haven’t even had one.  Not a single release.”  His face flushed a little.  He wanted to scream; it had been so long since she let him cum.  His balls felt swollen and achy.  It was almost painful for him to think of her having so many orgasms, while all he could do is scratch at the cage.  For the rest of the meal, the look on her face reminded him of what he couldn’t have, and of her control over him.

On the way home, Crystal gently stroked the cock cage through his pants.  “Maybe today’s the day.  If you’re lucky.  Or maybe next month.”  She looked at him more intensely.  “Then again, I might not let you cum for another year or two.”  Adam let out a soft whimper.

Arriving back at Adam’s house, she immediately had him strip and placed the collar around his neck.  “Get in the cage.” she said as she pointed down at the open door.  As soon as he backed in, she snapped the lock shut.

Then she walked away.

After what seemed to Adam like an hour, she came back.  Crouching down, she grasped the padlock, and Adam could see the key in her other hand.  She slid it back and forth between her fingers, then slowly brought it up to the lock, inserting it halfway.  Looking at him, she paused, laughed, then got up and walked away again, taking the key with her.

Eventually she came back and sat on the couch, opening a book.  He really wanted out by now.  He grabbed the bars and pushed.  Crystal momentarily glanced up, then returned to reading.  Chapter after chapter.  He wondered how long she was going to keep this up.  “How long can one person possibly read?!?” he thought.  She was so relaxed and content on the couch.  She looked like she’d never move.

Finally, she put the book down and got up.  Crouching in front of him again, she said, “You look like you really want out of there.”

“Yes, Ma’am!  Please!”  His voice quivered a little.  But this was only met with more laughter.  As she walked away yet again, Adam just whimpered “no” and clawed at the bars.  Crystal settled in again, this time with her computer.  She had a lot she wanted to catch up on online.  E-mails to send, pictures to post, documents to compose, conversations to read.

Tick-tock.  Tick-tock.  Tick-tock.

He wasn’t sure how long he’d been locked in the cage, but he desperately wanted out.  His pleas were only met with a smirk or a simple “No.”  He tried pulling on the lock, fidgeting with the door latch, yanking on the bars… Nothing.  He was trapped, and he couldn’t do a thing about it.

It was dark outside now.  She stayed on her computer for what seemed like an eternity.  When she finally came over and opened the cage, he scrambled out.  She’d kept him locked away much longer than he’d wanted, but Crystal wanted him in that helpless, subservient mindset.

Grabbing him by the collar, she led him roughly to the couch.  “Kneel.”  He did as she told him, getting down on the hard floor.  She stood over him, looking down at the kneeling man at her feet.  “I love the power I have over you.”  Then she spit on the floor in front of him and smiled.  She brought her foot over and stepped in it, slowly twisting her foot back and forth in the spit on the smooth floor.  She sat and crossed her legs.  Pointing, she said, “Clean my shoe, boy.”  Adam hesitantly got on all fours and brought his face to her foot.  He could see the marks and wear on the bottom of her shoe; this was a pair she wore often.  When he looked up at her face, she was looking back at him with calm expectation.  She didn’t even need to say it.  He slowly brought his tongue to her sole and dragged it across.  And again.  He couldn’t help but think of all the places she’d walked in those shoes as he licked the spit from her sole.

When he felt he was done, he sat back on his heels.  Crystal gave a sigh of satisfaction and stood up.  Looking down at him, she again spit on the floor in the same spot.  Letting out a chuckle, she thoroughly rubbed her other shoe in the spit and sat back down.  As he started to clean this shoe, she said, “Never forget that I own your mouth just as much as I own the rest of you.”  He was humiliated, but he knew she was right.  And she was willing to prove it.

After a couple minutes, she stood up.  As she started up the stairs, she motioned for him to follow.

“Give me your arms.”  She slid the straitjacket over his arms and brought the straps around the back.  Leaving the bottom strap undone, she ordered him to bend over the bed, and he heard the snap of a rubber glove.  A few seconds later, he felt a cool sensation around his ass.  Crystal worked her finger around his asshole, then eased it in, eliciting a moan from Adam.  She slid her finger in and out, and added another.  Soon after, she removed her fingers and slowly pushed a dildo inside him.  She inserted it all the way and stopped.  Pulling the last strap on the straitjacket up, she fastened it, securing the dildo in Adam’s ass.

“Come here, bitch.”

He walked uncomfortably behind her into another room, where she told him to have a seat.  Gingerly, he sat, gasping as he put his weight down and the dildo pushed in just a little further.  Crystal fastened ankle cuffs around him and locked them to each other.  After she tied the cuffs to the chair leg, she strapped his upper body tightly to the backrest with a couple belts.  Finally she shoved a gag in his mouth and buckled it in place.  Stepping back, she admired her work.  Adam would occasionally squirm, but every time he did, he could feel the dildo inside him.  He couldn’t get it out, couldn’t say a word, and he couldn’t move.

Crystal eased onto his lap and started teasing him.  She whispered in his ear, “If you need to safeword… well… too bad.  I imagine it’s hard to talk with that gag in your mouth.”  She grabbed him by the throat and playfully teased his ear with her tongue.

“Mmmmph!”  Squeezing his throat more forcefully to hold him in place, she kept at it, making his cock strain against the cage.  He couldn’t get away.  More tongue.  More choking.  More struggling.

Crystal slid off his lap, crouched down, and brought her face down between his legs.  She lazily ran a finger across the now-full chastity device.  “Most men are ecstatic at the thought of oral sex.”  Taking the cock cage into her mouth, she worked her lips around it, dragging her tongue across the tiny bits of exposed skin.  “But most men aren’t kept in cock cages.”  She laughed deeply.

Suddenly, a knock at the door.

Adam was surprised when Crystal didn’t just ignore it.   As he listened to her footsteps down the stairs, his mind raced.

There were voices downstairs.  A few minutes later, Crystal came back up the stairs, followed by two others.

She came back in and sat on his lap.  Looking at him squarely, she said,  “I’m going to suck off another man tonight.  And you’re going to watch me do it.”

“Mmmph!  Mmmgnnn!”  Adam shook his head, but she just laughed.

Crystal removed her shoes.  Before setting them down, she held one of them firmly against Adam’s nose and made him breathe in her scent for a while.  She stripped and took her clothes into the next room, followed by one of the men.  She came back not long after and knelt in front of the remaining man.  She groped and kneaded at the bulge in his pants, then smiled and undid his zipper.  Taking his cock into her mouth, she could see Adam squirming out the corner of her eye.  She teased the man’s cock with her lips.  As she slowly slid her tongue across it, she smiled a little at Adam with a look that said, “I bet you wish this was you.”  Crystal slid his cock in and out of her mouth, over and over, and all Adam could do was watch helplessly.  The man’s moans were becoming stronger.  “Nrrrrgmm!  Mmmp!” was all Adam could say.  She was getting him close.

The man moaned loudly as he came.  It was a sound Adam used to make quite a lot himself, and he longed desperately to be the one having that orgasm.  Adam could see him spasm strongly as he orgasmed, and he wished desperately that it could be him.  He wanted those powerful waves of pleasure to wrack his body.  Instead, he was watching it happen to someone else.  A few more thrusts into Crystal’s mouth, and he pulled away.  She turned and looked Adam in the eyes, then got up and walked toward him.  Standing beside him, she smirked a little and unfastened the gag, tossing it on the floor.  Placing one hand on the back of his head, she slowly moved her face down, closer to his.  “Please, no…” he whispered as he pulled his face back.

SLAP!

It stunned him.

SLAP!

The second made him whimper.

SLAP!

He kept his head down and to the side, eyes firmly closed, not wanting her to hit him anymore.  He wanted it to stop.

Standing over him, Crystal brought her lips to his, holding his head tight with her hand.  She kissed him deeply.  The cum dripped down from her mouth to his as they kissed.  He tried to pull away, but she wouldn’t let him.  Her tongue, covered in cum, invaded his mouth.  Crystal moaned in pleasure; Adam writhed, unable to stop any of it, unable to fight back.  She continued to kiss him, making the cum swirl around in his mouth.

Once she had all the cum in his mouth, she pulled away from his face and whispered, “Swallow.”

He couldn’t.

The look she gave him made it very clear that he wouldn’t like what happened if he didn’t obey.

He shuddered as the warm cum slithered down his throat.  Crystal laughed, knowing how much he just wanted it to end.

She knelt down and zipped up the man’s pants.  Turning to Adam, she mockingly told him not to go anywhere, and they both walked away.  Adam heard them going down the stairs.  He was left alone with nothing more than his thoughts and the taste of another man’s cum in his mouth.

When she returned a little while later, she was holding something behind her back.  Once she sat on Adam’s lap, she showed him.  Her panties.  Covered in cum.  The second man must’ve been busy as well.

“Open.”

Adam tried to speak, but nothing came out.  Crystal brought her hand up as if to slap him, causing him to flinch back.

“Open.”  Reluctantly he opened his mouth some.  “Wider.”  He did.  She stuffed her cummy panties in Adam’s mouth, the cum smearing all over his tongue.  The taste was overwhelming, someone else’s cum mixed with the taste of Crystal’s pussy.  Forcefully pushing a finger behind his jaw, she again teased him by licking in and around his ears.  It was too much for Adam to take.  He tried pleading with her, but with her panties in his mouth, nothing intelligible came out.  He knew too well that there would be trouble if he spit them out.  A soft whimper escaped from behind the panties.

When she’d finally had enough, and long after he’d had enough, she relented.  She unfastened the bondage holding him to the chair, but left him in the straitjacket.  Leading him by the collar, she brought him to the bathroom and made him kneel.

Crystal pulled her panties out of his mouth and looked down at him.  “I bet that tastes pretty nasty.  You don’t seem to like eating other men’s cum.”  Adam looked up at her, shaking a little, his head slightly bowed.  “That’s okay, the taste won’t be there much longer.  I’m going to wash it right out.”  She reached over for a bar of soap.

“I… I… but…”

There was no time to talk.  She slid the soap into his mouth.  “Glllmmp!”  Holding the back of his head, she forced the soap in and out of his mouth as he fought against the straitjacket.  In and out, the taste grew stronger as she worked up a lather.  She would occasionally remove the soap from his mouth, making him think it was over, only to reinsert it and start again.  Tears started to well up in his eyes after a minute or two.  “Please, just stop” he thought.

And she did, finally.

Adam sank back to his heels, Crystal towering over him.

“I really like watching men cum.  Just not you.”  She slowly walked around him, gently caressing his skin.  “It sucks for you that you’re going to be the one to clean up all those orgasms, even though I won’t let you cum.  You’re going to be eating quite a lot of other men’s cum on a regular basis.  They’ll be having all the orgasms that you’re not getting.  And no, you don’t have a choice in the matter.”

“But…”

Before he could get another word out, Crystal bent over and spit in his face.   He felt small.  His arms bound, he had no way to fight this humiliating display.  Her spit trickled slowly down his forehead, nose, and cheeks.  “But don’t worry, bitch.  I may let you cum someday, if I’m feeling generous.  Maybe next week.”  Again, she spit in his face.  “Or maybe not.”

His squirming only fueled her laughter.

Blargh.

This weekend was the weekend T has been threatening to make me eat another man’s cum.  We were at a weekend bdsm event, so there was a lot of pervocity going on everywhere.  I knew the cum scene was going to happen at some point, but I wasn’t sure when.  We ended up playing privately Friday night in our room.  Biting, ball-kicking, impact, scratching, foot worship…  She was pushing me really hard during this scene.

After we’d been at it for a while, she told me to go into the bathroom and kneel in the tub, which I did.  She came right in with a funnel, put it up to her pussy, and said, “Open wide!”  I choked down her piss as best I could.  T briefly left the room and came back with earplugs.  That’s when I got the “oh shit” feeling.  This was it.  She ordered me to put the earplugs in and stay in the bathtub until I saw the bathroom door open.  At that point, I was to remove the earplugs and come back out into the room.  She shut the door, and I was left with my own thoughts.

I didn’t know the method she had planned for doing this.  Was she going to make me lick the cum off her shoes/boots?  Would she suck off another guy and snowball his cum into my mouth?  Make me lick it off her feet?  Have him cum on her socks or panties and gag me with them?  Cum in a glass of her piss?  I just didn’t know.

Eventually I realized the door would probably open soon.  My heart was beating faster.

But the door didn’t open.  This was taking longer than I’d expected.  Was there more than one other man involved?  Could that be why it was taking so long? I couldn’t hear a thing between the closed door and the earplugs.

I saw the door open just a couple inches, and I felt footsteps vibrate the floor.  I felt like a condemned criminal as I took the earplugs out and reluctantly opened the door.  I walked out to see T sitting on the floor, in the middle of a plastic tarp.  My first thought was, “How many men were there if you needed a tarp?”  My stomach pitched back and forth as I walked toward her.  Once I got close, I saw that it wasn’t cum from multiple men.  She was sitting almost Indian-style, with her knees bent out to the sides and feet touching each other in front of her.  There was cum on her soles; happily, it was about half the amount I normally produce from one orgasm.

I knelt in front of her and took in her sadistic grin.  It was a harsh contradiction, knowing what she was about to make me do, yet seeing her face lit up beautifully.  “Clean it all up.”  I brought my face closer.  And stopped.  I couldn’t bring myself to do it, and I asked her to relent.  But she wasn’t feeling merciful.  She told me to get my tongue on her feet.  I took a few plaintive licks, and T laughed.  “I can’t believe she’s making me do this” I thought.  It was nasty, slimy, and disgusting, just like eating my own.  Only I didn’t even get to orgasm this time; I had to eat cum without the fun part.

After I’d finished cleaning all the cum from her feet, she moved her feet and said, “Looks like he missed my feet some.  Lick up those drops of cum there.”  So I licked the rest of the cum from the tarp.  That added a little extra kick of humiliation to the experience.  After it was over, T couldn’t get the grin off her face.  I stayed kneeling, feeling rather humble and extremely submissive towards her.

My libido shot through the roof after this.  It felt like all the horniness that he released with this orgasm then got added to my own horniness.  I wasn’t expecting that at all.  It was a strong, sudden effect, and it lasted.  In fact, it lasted all weekend.  When I got home, I had a powerful, quaking orgasm thinking of T and this scene.  It’s amazing that I can orgasm so hard from something that gives me such a strong “NO NO MAKE IT STOP!” feeling.

It’s still sinking in a little.  She made me eat another man’s cum.  That had always been a limit for me.  Not something I thought I’d ever do.

On the way home, she told me that she really enjoyed it, especially the fact that I didn’t want to do it.  And that only made her want to do it more.  I think “lots and lots more” was the way she phrased it.

I’m screwed.

 

 

 

 

The Big C (No, Not Chimichanga)

Two things have recently become more apparent to me:

 

  • T let me orgasm two weeks ago.  It was the first orgasm she let me have in three months and a week.  A quarter of a year.  (And it was the longest orgasm I ever remember having!)  It got me thinking.  We’ve been together for 13 months now.  She’s periodically kept my cock in a cage from the start, with varying periods of freedom in between.  (And these seem to be gradually decreasing in length, while the lockups get longer.)  Altogether, she’s had me locked up for probably 3/4 of our relationship.  Prior to our relationship, my experiences with chastity were typically 1-8 weeks on average, followed by a 2-3 months of freedom.  Contrast that to where things are now- increasingly longer periods in chastity with no end in sight (She’s floated the idea of making me go 1-2 years with no orgasm.)
  • She told me fairly recently that at an upcoming event (Winter Wickedness) she’s going to make me eat someone else’s cum.  This is something that’ll be difficult for me and will push me hard.  That said, I think I’d be able to get myself into a frame of mind to accept it, do it once, and get it over with.  But the other day when the subject came up, she got a big smile on her face and said, “Winter Wickedness is just the beginning.”  Gulp.  That’s been bouncing off the inside of my head since she said it.  It’s like in the movies where you can see the person saying something, and the words just keep echoing over and over.

These two have something in common: control.

When we first started seeing each other, she was curious about chastity.  Then when I asked her why it appealed to her, one big part of her response was control.  That was a big draw for her.  She locked my cock up early on, and she has since taken total control of my orgasms.  She’s keeping me locked up for longer, making me desperately hornier, and taking more control than I thought possible for me to give.

With the making-me-eat-other-men’s-cum thing, she’s also taking more control of me than I thought I’d ever be capable of giving up.  This was a limit for me for the longest time.  But now she’s going to make me do it.  Over and over again, apparently.  That requires a high degree of control.  You can’t make me do something that causes me to go “ohfuckno, fuckityfuckfuckfuck” without having firm control.

There are other areas where the control peeks its face in the door as well.  Occasionally when I say something, she’ll remind me that I have no choice in the matter.  Or that she knows I don’t want to do something, but that she’s going to make me do it anyway.  When she does that, it feels like she’s jerking on some internal leash.

She even fully crossdressed me and took me out in public.  I never, ever considered that an option before.  Not even close.  Again, control comes into the picture and suddenly, this intimidating mental image becomes reality.

I never thought I’d go for a level of control that was more intense than what I’d always experienced prior.  I saw no reason to turn the dial up.  But every time she wrenches more control from me, the more submissive I feel towards her.  The more she dominates, the more I feel the drive to submit.  This is where dominance and submission, normally two different things, become intertwined.  My submission feeds off of her dominance.

99 Ways to Perv

T and I have something we call perv lists.  They’re lists of things that either she or I have mentioned wanting to experience.  Some of these are things that I saw at parties and have stayed stuck in my brain since, while others seemingly randomly popped into my head.   She won’t tell me what’s on her list though, since she wants to keep the element of surprise.  These are almost like a bucket list of kink.  The purpose of this list is different though.  Unlike a bucket list, if we really get off on something that we try from this list, we can do it again and again.  And again.  And again, just for good measure.  We can add it to our regular repertoire rather than just checking it off of a list.

My list isn’t in any real order.  Some of these things have come up in conversation repeatedly, while others were simply mentioned once a long time ago and never again.

  • Ass-beating with her belt – We tried this last night.  Depending how she wielded it, it delivered everything from nice warmup-type pain to searing flashes of sting.  And she’d sometimes hit the belt on itself to make a loud slapping noise.  That made me tense up when she did that.  Very sexy.  Watching her take off her belt always appealed to me because I could imagine her beating me with it.  Now, I’m sure that feeling will be even stronger.
  • Needles through the nipples – I’m not curious about needle play in any other body parts.  It just doesn’t seem like it’d be an erotic form of pain anywhere except the nipples.
  • Lick her piss or her spit from off of her bare feet –  nasty, and oh-so-hot.  This would also work well with the soles of her shoes/boots/sandals.
  • Armpit-licking – I was curious about this for a little while, and eventually we tried it.  I was surprised at how hot it got me.  (To be clear, I’m talking about doing this without deodorant since there are a lot of nasty chemicals in it.  Deodorant isn’t meant to be eaten.  Bleh.)  And it also wasn’t done straight out of the shower either; she’d been going around for at least a few hours, sometimes more, with no deodorant before making me lick her armpits.  It appealed to me on many of the same levels foot worship does- armpits have that dirty, “low” connotation, and dominating the mouth is just plain sexy.  Foot worship is still one of my absolute favorite forms of play though; it hasn’t been unseated.  But licking her armpits definitely drove me up a wall!  The taste, the scent, the “wrongness”… This got me incredibly turned on.
  • A spit bukkake scene- Multiple women taking turns spitting in my face over and over again.  Face-spitting is powerful to me; it’s humiliating and traditionally degrading/insulting.  The social connotations that come along with face-spitting are probably what makes this so sexy to me.  Having multiple women involved only increases the humiliation factor since they are not only taking part, but also a built-in audience.  A group of women taking their time, taking turns, and laughing at me as the slowly cover my face in their spit is an incredibly powerful fantasy for me.
  • Cum play in various incarnations.  She strongly prefers using other men’s cum rather than my own in these scenarios, and obviously they’d need to be screened for STIs:
  1. Creampie cleanup- Licking another man’s cum from her pussy, especially after watching them fuck, would most likely be a humiliating experience.
  2. Drink cum mixed in a glass of her piss
  3. Lick cum from her soles We’ve tried this once now- read about it here and here.  It was easily one of the hottest scenes I’ve ever had.  (She’s also floated the idea of using multiple men’s cum all at once for this.)
  4. Lick cum from her armpit
  5. Snowballing others’ cum- After going down on someone else (either in front of me or not) and having a mouthful of cum, kissing me.
  6. Someone (or someones) cumming on her sock, followed by her gagging me with it
  7. Someone cumming on her panties, followed by her gagging me with them
  8. Felching- She’s half-threatened to make me suck someone else’s cum from her asshole.  This is just nasty and wrong, so of course the thought of it gets me really hot.
  9. Pimp cup (an ornate cup she wants to have completely filled with other mens’ cum before making me drink it all.  That’s an insanely large amount of cum.)  I thought she was joking about this, but she insists she isn’t.
  10. Kneel and lick cum from off of her shoe/boot in a more public environment (club, party, etc.)  This might be harder though, since the top of the foot is rounder, so the cum might slide right off.  Cum might stick better to nylons, but that’s just a guess.  Because of that, I’m really not sure if this is feasible.  I do know that the public humiliation aspect would be both horrible and sexy.
  11. Lick cum from off the sole of her shoe/boot/sandal, especially a pair that she wears often.  This would be difficult as well, but the thought of it gets me hard.
  12. Cum drive- This started as a joke about having an orgasm drive (like a telethon) since I’ve been denied so many orgasms.  Then she twisted it into collecting other mens’  orgasms rather than my own.  She taunted me with the idea of letting multiple men cum all over her- ass, tits, armpits, soles, in her mouth, etc.- and making me clean it all up.  All without letting me orgasm.
  13.  Clean her up during a gangbang.  This is the most intimidating one on this list.  I’d have to watch other men get off inside her, then come over and clean their cum out of her pussy, ass, and mouth one at a time.  Over and over again.  The thought of this makes me nervous.

With all the different forms of cum play we’ve talked about, every single one of them gives me butterflies.  That said, I think I could wrap my head around doing this just once and getting it over with.  But she’s repeatedly said she wants to make this a regular, frequent part of our play, which makes me tremble to think of it.  She said she wants to make me her cumdumpster; really, what can you say to that?  Doing this type of play on a regular basis (especially when she won’t let me orgasm myself) seems incredibly intense, and it’d push me hard; at the same time, the thought of it gets me hot.  The thought of doing this as often as she wants to makes me want to curl up in a little ball.  Or take a play from the ostriches and bury my head in the sand.  Maybe she won’t see me.

  • Have a scene outside
  • Pimp cup (see #8 above) filled with spit and making me drink it
  • Foot-smelling scene.  This is pretty basic, but I think I would kink pretty hard on this.  We discussed having me bound in a straitjacket or with hands cuffed behind me, and then gagged.  Most likely with a posture collar to keep me from turning my head.  Laying on my back on the floor, she could be up on a piece of furniture and simply rest her feet on my face.  I’d be unable to get away and unable to breathe through my mouth.  It’s a simple idea, and one that uses one of the most basic, primal senses.
  • Banana Spit- This stemmed from me misreading a sign at an ice cream shop.  It brought to mind an image of a group of women passing around a small bowl or cup of ice cream (though this would work with any food or snack really) and spitting in it, over and over, for quite some time.  Covering it with inches of spit.  Being made to eat food that’s absolutely drenched in spit would be incredibly nasty.   Which is probably why it appeals to me.
  • Piss in cornflakes – That way, if I’m in a bad mood and someone says, “Hey, who pissed in your cornflakes?” I could just point to her.
  • Co-topping– She’s mentioned quite a few times that she really enjoys co-topping, and that she wants to top me with another woman at the same time.  We’ve now done this- We had a super-hot anniversary scene as well as an a mind-melting birthdayversary scene.
  • Public humiliation- When I say “public” in this sense, I’m talking about more of an adult vanilla-public environment rather than a play party or other bdsm event-
  1.    Foot kissing
  2.    Ass kissing
  3.    Face spitting
  4. Shoe shopping– We talked about going shoe shopping (for her) together, with me kneeling to put on and take off her shoes.  We tried this pretty early on, and it hit me both in a sexy way and a d/s way.  This is a very happy memory.
  5.   Forced feminization– We’ve done public forced feminization once before, and it was incredibly intense.  It also had much more of a d/s vibe than I was expecting.  Since then, she’s threatened to take me out fully crossdressed on one of the busier streets in a more adult-oriented part of town on a Friday night or Saturday night when it’s crowded.  I’m not sure how much of that I could handle.  That would be really difficult.
  6. Shopping trip.  This ties in with #5 above.  She’s threatened to take me out shopping for women’s clothes, making me try them on in the store for her to see.  She said she may do this with just the two of us or with other women.  It’s a pretty intimidating prospect.
  • Cheerleader cbt scene – It started as a joke, but it took on a life of its own.  T would be wearing a cheerleader outfit and kick me in the balls.  “Gimmie a C!  (*kick*) Gimmie a B!  (*kick*)  Gimmie a T!  (*kick*)”
  • Cruel schoolgirl scene– She posted an incredibly sexy shot of her in a schoolgirl outfit in front of some lockers, with an innocent-yet-potentially-wicked expression on her face.  I’m not big on role-plays, but this is one that I think could be a lot of fun.  I could be a teacher, another student, the creepy janitor, older brother, or any number of possibilities.  Update: We tried this out the other night- Read about it here.  It then got my mind racing, wondering what a teacher-student role-play would be like; unlike a typical teacher-student role-play, the student would be the top in this scene though, which lends itself to all sorts of fun wrongness.
  • Bottled water conditioning – She’s mentioned wanting to condition me to fear a certain brand of bottled water by repeatedly making me drink her piss out of these bottles.  She bought a case of this brand and saved every bottle after we drank the water.  She has already made me drink her piss from a few bottles so far, so the conditioning is beginning.  Currently, every time I see this brand, I immediately think of her making me drink her piss, though it’s not a fear response.  If she keeps this up over time, that might change.
  • Mouth soaping – Washing someone’s mouth out with a bar of soap has some really sexy power exchange connotations to it.  I know I definitely wouldn’t enjoy the act itself, but I still find the mental image of her working a bar of soap in and out of my mouth very hot.  Especially when combined with bondage.  Because everything is tastier with bondage.  Or maybe I’m just a pervert.  Yeah, we’ll go with that.  I’m not sure I’d be able to avoid pulling my head away though.  I can easily see myself pulling my head back (or turning to the side) to get away from the soap in that situation.  UPDATE- She did this to me this evening.  She told me, “Open up!” and then worked the bar in and out of my mouth a few times.  Bleh.  It was nasty, but her confidence made it sexy.  Her tone and her body were both saying, “I know you don’t like it, but I want to do this to you, so you’re going to submit to it.”  Damn.
  • On a related note- Her sliming up her feet or armpits with a bar of soap and making me lick her clean.
  • Foot worship after work– Yow.  This completely floored me.  I’m surprised the cock cage didn’t explode from the pressure.  We’ve done this here and there, and it blows me away every time.  This is one of the quickest ways to get me desperately horny.  It’s a favorite form of play for me (possibly the favorite) although it’s insanely frustrating if I’m in chastity; that’s when it becomes double-edged, getting me incredulously turned on while wanting it to stop at the same time.  She’s even been talking about pushing it further, making me kiss and lick her feet after 12-16 hours in boots.  I can’t wait to do this, especially if she doesn’t have me locked up at the time.  (Somehow I think there’s a slim chance of that happening though.)  Of course, we’ll need to try it many, many times to be sure we like it.  Just to be absolutely certain.  For science.
  • Also, there’s another aspect to this: At one event, she wore fishnets with boots for a few hours, and that seemed to make it a more intense experience.  So boots with no socks is one more angle we could potentially explore.
  • Fisting – This is something she’s expressed an interest in trying, and I’m very slightly curious.  I’ve heard others say fisting can be really intimate, so that appeals to me.  Plus, butt sex is just hot.  But I’ve never taken anything that large before.  UPDATE:  We tried this last night; read about it hereVery intense and amazing experience.
  • Hairbrush spanking – Hairbrushes are portable and innocuous.  And they can sneak up on you at any time.  I may buy one just to keep in the bathroom for constant quick access; that way there’s no need to open a toy bag.  UPDATE- I bought one, and she now keeps it in her toy bag.  It’s meeeeean.  But I do really like the traditional connotation of authority that comes with it.
  • Whipped with looped-over electrical/appliance cord – I tried this briefly years ago in a scene.  Really intense.  I’d like to explore it more.  And pretty much everywhere you go, there is some sort of electrical cord available.
  • Cock-locked for 1-2 years – A while back, she started threatening to lock me in a cock cage for over a year.  More recently, she’s started threatening two years.  Our longest at this point has been a little over four months.  So being made to go for over two years without orgasm would mean doing six times our current record.  If that’s not an intimidating prospect, I don’t know what is.  This would most definitely make my head explode.  There would be headfetti everywhere.
  • Permanent chastity- T has even teased me a few times about possibly making my chastity permanent.  While it’s a super intimidating prospect, it still sounds very hot, with massive d/s overtones.  I’ve got very mixed feelings on permanent chastity.  It’s scary.  Incredibly so.  But the thought of her making my chastity permanent, and me not having any say in the matter, gets me rock hard.
  • Ball-kicking with no warm-up – We’ve now tried this, and I found it incredibly hot!  Multiple kicks to the balls without any warm-up intimidated me.  At first I was worried it’d be too much, although the thought of it kept popping into my head.  This type of play doesn’t take long, and the recovery time is quick enough that it could probably be done multiple times in a day if desired.  It works well by itself if we don’t have time for a full-on scene; we can do this for a few minutes and then continue on with whatever we were doing.
  • Consensual nonconsent – This is an intriguing idea, though I’m certain I’d be miserable at the time.  For those not familiar with the term, consensual nonconsent involves temporarily removing the ability to safeword and continuing play even if the sub were to safeword.  This could be done with a few different forms of play, though impact is the most obvious.  It would definitely require either bondage or multiple women holding me down; otherwise, there’s no way I’d be able to take it.
  • Slave branding – This goes right in line with consensual nonconsent.  My ability to safeword would have to be removed if we were to do this.  There’s the potential for so much anticipatory build-up prior to the actual branding: being tied down, watching as the fire is started and the branding iron is placed over it, being unable to move as it slowly gets red-hot, etc.  Single-strike hot-iron branding is the only type that really appeals to me though.
  • Singletails- Singletails are so elegant, yet at the same time, capable of causing great pain; it’s a wonderful combination.  As a bonus, they can draw blood.  So of course I bought one.  It’s a nylon 4-foot whip.  Once T gets the hang of it (they have a bit of a learning curve) we can really explore this.
  • Her pissing on food and making me eat it – We’ve talked about her completely drenching my meal (or snack) and ruining it, yet still forcing me to eat it all.  This also started as a joke about her jumping up on the table at a restaurant that we frequent and letting loose on my meal.  But then it went from a joke to her going, “Hmmm…”   Another take on this would be her pissing on the food and letting it cool off completely; that would probably have more of a sinister, captor/prisoner vibe to it.  And probably be even more disgusting.  I don’t even know if I’d be able to eat that.  Update: We’ve now achieved food-pissery.
  • Long-term caging- We’ve only tried caging a few times, with the longest being about an hour.  It was highly sexiful.  I’m not sure how I’d react to longer periods in the cage, but I had no real  trouble with an hour.  I’m curious about being brought to the point of desperately wanting out of the cage, but still not being let out.  I imagine roughly 2-4 hours would have that effect, but that’s just a guess.  My main concern with longer-term caging would be bathroom use.  If I’m in a cock cage, pissing in a bottle wouldn’t work.  Also of concern is food- When I’m hungry, it distracts from anything else I’m feeling, and it puts me in a really bad headspace.  So in order to have this scene, she’d have to occasionally set some food in the cage.  This could easily be combined with the points in the paragraph above.  Or she could just slip in some granola bars, protein bars, etc. periodically.
  • Being beaten with a switch.  I hear they sting.  Quite a lot.
  • Using me as a toilet for an entire weekend without once using an actual toilet.  We nearly tried this at a weekend camping event, but I’d just had a severe concussion the weekend before and wasn’t quite up to it.  Even if I’d tried it, I doubt either of us would’ve gotten as much out of the experience as we would’ve if I were fully with it.
  • Her fucking her own ass with a dildo and making me lick and suck it clean afterward.  Eew.  But also very hot.
  • Strap-on gangbang – T has mentioned wanting to get about half a dozen women, tie me down, and take turns fucking me in both ends.  Super-sexy thought, but I know I’d reeeeeally want it to stop at the time.  I’m honestly not real sure how long I’d be able to take this before I break.  My guess is not real long.  She’s also mentioned the possibility of removing my safeword for this, making it a genuine gang rape.  Fuckity fuck fuck.  I just want to back away slowly when I think of that.  I also worry about being fucked too hard, to the point of damage.  So they’d have to watch closely and avoid jackhammer fucking if this were to happen.  UPDATE- She gave me my first experience with double penetration last week for our anniversary.  It was all kinds of amazing.  Read about it here.
  • Pimping me out- Not long after we first started seeing each other, she said, “I want to pimp you out to other women.”  My issue is that I can’t play with anyone I don’t find attractive.  So the solution we came up with is for her to pimp me out to women I find attractive (and who aren’t batshit crazy.)  In other words, women who I’d be ok playing with.  The terms of the pimpery are up to her; she can loan me out for whatever kind of use she likes.  I’m not quite sure what exactly she had in mind with that “I want to pimp you out to other women”, but I’m sure she’s not going to tell me either.
  • Playing with and/or getting sexual with a trans woman.  I’ve experienced strap-on play plenty of times, but never a bio-cock.  I’ve run into some very attractive trans women, but one thing or another prevented me from approaching, whether it was time constraints, not feeling well, or already having a bunch of scenes lined up.  I’m still *very* curious about this though.
  • Whipped until bloody – We’ve done some bloodplay with the Flogger of Doom, and it was incredible.  We’ve talked a little about going further with this type of play, with her whipping me with the Flogger of Doom and other implements until blood is dripping down my legs.  But our choice of venue would be rather limited since this would splatter blood everywhere.  A tarp wouldn’t be enough coverage since it’d only cover the floor and furniture.  Though a large tarp in my own place could be workable.
  • Her spitting on the ground or floor, stepping in it and twisting her foot around in it, then making me lick her spit from the sole of her boot or shoe.  This is just nasty and hot.  I really like the “dirty” aspect of this.
  • Just like the previous item, but without the spit.  Her making me lick the soles of her boots/shoes clean probably isn’t something I’d enjoy in the moment, but I think it’s one of those things that would be really hot afterward.  And it would push me, which is always a plus.  Update– We tried this the other night.  According to her, my face said “Please don’t make me do this!” but my cock was hard the entire time.  This was incredibly sexy!  Just plain wow.  The point of veiw and the nastiness of being made to clean the dirt and daily random crud from her boots really got me hot.
  • Strawberry shake- Like many other things, this started out as a joke, but then it turned sexy.  She was teasing me about slipping some strawberries up her ass and leaving them there for a while, then making me eat them off the floor.  Jokingly at first, but when she saw how it made me squirm and that it wasn’t a limit, she started pressing a little more.  Bleh.  That’d be just plain nasty.  And really difficult.  Still, the control aspect of it really strikes me.  Especially since she told me I wouldn’t have a choice in the matter; that easily made it ten times hotter.  And dominating the mouth is very much a hot-button form of play for me.  Ever since we had this conversation, it’s been stuck in my head, like a song that just keeps repeating.

So there’s a lot here, some of which we’ve tried and some we haven’t.  Almost any of these could easily be added to our play on a regular basis if we enjoy them.  That’s one thing I like about bdsm- there’s always something new to learn and explore.  Even after doing this for a decade, there are still dozens of things to try.  And there are still lots of things that make me fidget or tremble in fear.

A Delayed Sentence

For a couple months now, T has been occasionally mentioning that she’s got something planned for a scene with me in February.  We’ll be going to a weekend bdsm event in another city which we’ve been to before, though I knew about that.  She wouldn’t tell me what it was she had planned for while we’re there though.  All I knew is that she has something planned.

Yesterday, she told me what it was, at least partially.  She intends to make me eat someone else’s cum.

She’s been threatening to do this for a long time now in various forms.  We’ve talked about her making me lick it from her soles, pussy, ass, and shoe/boot, as well as using her cum-soaked panties or socks as a gag.  (She also mentioned wanting to completely fill a large cup with cum and make me drink it, but I’m pretty certain that was mostly a joke.)  I’m not sure which form of this she has planned, or whether it will be one man’s cum or multiple mens’, but I can’t say I’m itching to do this.  Rather dreading it actually.  Even thinking about it creates a lump in my throat.

Now I’ve got this hanging over my head for the next few months.  I’m not sure if I’m better off or worse for knowing this information.  She seems to enjoy stretching out the anticipation, taunting me occasionally.  I feel like a mouse being batted around and toyed with by a cat before being devoured.

A Bottle of Dread

T has been mentioning for a while now that she wants to condition me, Pavlov-style, to fear a specific brand of water bottles.  It started with a bdsm event we were at; it was the first time we’d done piss play.  She made me drink her piss from a plastic water bottle that she’d filled up in the bathroom a few minutes earlier.  Afterward, we joked that every time I saw that brand of water somewhere, I’d cower in fear.  But then her eyes lit up, and I saw her tucking away an idea in her head for later.

It’s later.  When we were out the other day, she bought a case of this brand of water.  A case.  24 bottles.  I never know when she’s going to spring it on me.  She could come at me with a bottle of her piss at any time.  We could be playing, or we could be out with friends, on a date, or just sitting at home. Her enjoyment is inversely proportional to mine- The more I squirm and gag, the more she smiles and enjoys it.

Currently, whenever I see this brand of water, I just chuckle to myself.  But she wants to induce real fear in me whenever I see it.  Not a phobia or anything debilitating, but a genuine fear response.  It’s something I’d rather not go through with, but at the same time, I don’t see it as being harmful or detrimental to my life.  I trust her, and I do what she wants me to do.