This Makes Me Grrr.

Last night, T and I played at a party.  We typically get a small crowd watching us since we play hard.  When they saw us bringing our toy cases in, they enthusiastically filed right in the room and sat along the walls.

After the party, I was left with the same feelings I usually have after playing publicly.  I felt frustrated that I wasn’t able to get into the scene as much as when we play privately.  While it was still an intense, fun scene that I very much enjoyed, it never has the same vibe as when we play privately.  And I don’t think this is something either of us can fix.

It’s not a self-conscious thing.  I’m confident with my body, and for years now I’ve been comfortable baring my underbelly on this level (emotionally speaking) in front of my friends and/or random party people.  While I don’t consider myself an exhibitionist (though I do enjoy the compliments afterward) I’m not shy about public play either.

The mindset is different, as are the sensations.  I have a harder time getting into the headspace I usually attain when we play privately.  Sometimes it feels like I’m simply tolerating what she’s dishing out when we play in public.  The pain seems harsher, less erotic.  I can even get a little irritable during a public scene.  It also feels like I can’t take as much pain in public; it’s probably a 25% reduction on average.  There are physical signs as well- For example, I usually get hard during ball-kicking in private, but rarely in public.

This frustrates the fuck out of me.  And there’s a lot of fuck in me to begin with.

I can’t figure this out.  I see no reason why I shouldn’t be able to get into it just as much in public as in private, and no reason why it should physically feel different just because a few sets of eyes are on us.  With public play, I still experience the catharsis that I get from private play, and I thoroughly enjoy the way she smiles and shows her approval immediately after the scene is over.  That makes me happy, especially when it was something difficult that I just made it through.

I know these feelings aren’t sub-drop.  I’ve experienced that plenty of times before, and this isn’t it.  This frustration even happens during the scene and extends to afterward, while drop happens after the scene is over.  Also, this is not an overarching/all-encompassing feeling like drop is.  This frustration is one feeling of many that I experience throughout the night, fading in and out, interspersed with other feelings.  I’m still capable of being social and having a good time; with drop, I tend to be more antisocial and just want some time to myself.

Whatever is going on with public play, it irritates me.  I get a little angry with myself at times, even though I know I’m doing everything I can to make it work.  I’m just not sure what to do other than keep trying.

 

 

I Gave Blood. Now Where’s My Cookie?

At an event last month, a friend brought some goodies from his yard.  He has roses growing behind his garage, and he cut some of those branches and brought them to the event.  They were originally intended for someone else, but that person backed out after seeing them.  The friend who brought the branches cut them about six feet long, and they’re about an inch or 1-1/2″ in diameter.  On the morning we were leaving the event, the friend who wussed out showed up at our door and asked if we wanted them.  Since we really like blood play we took them without hesitation.

Once home, I cut them in half to roughly three-foot lengths.  Then I took pliers and removed the thorns from the first 1/3 of them to make handles.  I had these things sitting in my house, staring at me, for a while.  I knew T would use them on me; I just didn’t know when.

We finally made the plans and she came over.  She started this scene with half an hour of ball-kicking.  That was rough.  And all kinds of hot.  I just wanted her to stop, but she kept going, that sadistic smile lighting the room.  Ball-kicking is one of my very favorite and most erotic forms of pain.  It’s a mind-blowing experience when she can take something I’m into and push it to a level where she makes me think, “Please stop, just make it end…”  After that experience, I can say that half an hour is probably right around my limit.  I really don’t think I’d be able to take any more than that.

Then she moved on to the impact.  Canes, open hand, and various other implements.  Then she broke out the vampire gloves.  (These are gloves with dozens of small spikes or tacks sticking out of the palm.)  She started to spank me with them.  This was followed by the Flogger of Doom.  The blood was starting to seep out by this point.  Next was the thorn branch.  When she started hitting my ass with it, I thought, “This isn’t as bad as I was expecting.”  But sometimes it would get worse depending on how she held it and used it.  After 5-10 minutes, I kept sensing what felt like a light mist or very faint drizzle of rain across my calves every time she hit me.  When I looked, I didn’t see anything there.  After we were done playing though, I turned on the overhead light (we just had a lamp on during the scene) and saw I wasn’t imagining it- there were small splatters of blood across the back of my legs.  And for my ass-

Let’s just say showering afterward kind of sucked.

I’d never had my ass beaten that bloody before.  It was very much a sexy experience.

I still have four of these branches left, and our friend still has roses growing out back.  I don’t think we’ll be having a shortage of these particular toys anytime soon.

The marks took about a week to fade after this scene.  For me, that’s a pretty long time since I apparently have a magical ass that regenerates quickly.  I should donate my ass to science so they can study it.  It might involve lots of probing.

Alright, Body, I Demand a Refund.

My body is strange.

We played at a party last night, and I noticed that my reactions were in line with a pattern I’ve been seeing for a while.  I can’t seem to take as much pain when we play publicly.  Whatever it may be- impact, biting, scratching, cbt, or anything else- I just can’t take as much as I can in private.  This is even true for things that aren’t painful, like strap-on sex.

It’s not a body issue; I’m comfortable with my body.  And I’m comfortable being naked in front of others, especially friends.  I’m in decent shape, and I’m ok with what I see in the mirror, so I know that’s not it.

I also typically don’t get hard during public play either.  For example, ball-kicking will usually get me standing at attention when done in private; but in public, even that won’t do it.

Lack of adequate rest the night before can impact this, as well as normal hormonal fluctuations.  But even when these factors aren’t causing any problems, the public aspect can still cause me to lose a bit of masochism somehow.  It’s incredibly frustrating.  I enjoy playing, whether public or private.  I’m not an exhibitionist, but I’m also not weirded out by being on display.  I’ve been playing publicly for about five years now, and I’m not sure how to get around this problem.  My masochism doesn’t drop by a huge amount, but it’s definitely noticeable.  I’d say it’s about a 25% drop in what I can take.  And when you play hard, that 25% can be a lot.  I get frustrated with myself sometimes.  I want to take more.

Grrrrrr.

99 Ways to Perv

T and I have something we call perv lists.  They’re lists of things that either she or I have mentioned wanting to experience.  Some of these are things that I saw at parties and have stayed stuck in my brain since, while others seemingly randomly popped into my head.   She won’t tell me what’s on her list though, since she wants to keep the element of surprise.  These are almost like a bucket list of kink.  The purpose of this list is different though.  Unlike a bucket list, if we really get off on something that we try from this list, we can do it again and again.  And again.  And again, just for good measure.  We can add it to our regular repertoire rather than just checking it off of a list.

My list isn’t in any real order.  Some of these things have come up in conversation repeatedly, while others were simply mentioned once a long time ago and never again.

  • Ass-beating with her belt – We tried this last night.  Depending how she wielded it, it delivered everything from nice warmup-type pain to searing flashes of sting.  And she’d sometimes hit the belt on itself to make a loud slapping noise.  That made me tense up when she did that.  Very sexy.  Watching her take off her belt always appealed to me because I could imagine her beating me with it.  Now, I’m sure that feeling will be even stronger.
  • Needles through the nipples – I’m not curious about needle play in any other body parts.  It just doesn’t seem like it’d be an erotic form of pain anywhere except the nipples.
  • Lick her piss or her spit from off of her bare feet –  nasty, and oh-so-hot.  This would also work well with the soles of her shoes/boots/sandals.
  • Armpit-licking – I was curious about this for a little while, and eventually we tried it.  I was surprised at how hot it got me.  (To be clear, I’m talking about doing this without deodorant since there are a lot of nasty chemicals in it.  Deodorant isn’t meant to be eaten.  Bleh.)  And it also wasn’t done straight out of the shower either; she’d been going around for at least a few hours, sometimes more, with no deodorant before making me lick her armpits.  It appealed to me on many of the same levels foot worship does- armpits have that dirty, “low” connotation, and dominating the mouth is just plain sexy.  Foot worship is still one of my absolute favorite forms of play though; it hasn’t been unseated.  But licking her armpits definitely drove me up a wall!  The taste, the scent, the “wrongness”… This got me incredibly turned on.
  • A spit bukkake scene- Multiple women taking turns spitting in my face over and over again.  Face-spitting is powerful to me; it’s humiliating and traditionally degrading/insulting.  The social connotations that come along with face-spitting are probably what makes this so sexy to me.  Having multiple women involved only increases the humiliation factor since they are not only taking part, but also a built-in audience.  A group of women taking their time, taking turns, and laughing at me as the slowly cover my face in their spit is an incredibly powerful fantasy for me.
  • Cum play in various incarnations.  She strongly prefers using other men’s cum rather than my own in these scenarios, and obviously they’d need to be screened for STIs:
  1. Creampie cleanup- Licking another man’s cum from her pussy, especially after watching them fuck, would most likely be a humiliating experience.
  2. Drink cum mixed in a glass of her piss
  3. Lick cum from her soles We’ve tried this once now- read about it here and here.  It was easily one of the hottest scenes I’ve ever had.  (She’s also floated the idea of using multiple men’s cum all at once for this.)
  4. Lick cum from her armpit
  5. Snowballing others’ cum- After going down on someone else (either in front of me or not) and having a mouthful of cum, kissing me.
  6. Someone (or someones) cumming on her sock, followed by her gagging me with it
  7. Someone cumming on her panties, followed by her gagging me with them
  8. Felching- She’s half-threatened to make me suck someone else’s cum from her asshole.  This is just nasty and wrong, so of course the thought of it gets me really hot.
  9. Pimp cup (an ornate cup she wants to have completely filled with other mens’ cum before making me drink it all.  That’s an insanely large amount of cum.)  I thought she was joking about this, but she insists she isn’t.
  10. Kneel and lick cum from off of her shoe/boot in a more public environment (club, party, etc.)  This might be harder though, since the top of the foot is rounder, so the cum might slide right off.  Cum might stick better to nylons, but that’s just a guess.  Because of that, I’m really not sure if this is feasible.  I do know that the public humiliation aspect would be both horrible and sexy.
  11. Lick cum from off the sole of her shoe/boot/sandal, especially a pair that she wears often.  This would be difficult as well, but the thought of it gets me hard.
  12. Cum drive- This started as a joke about having an orgasm drive (like a telethon) since I’ve been denied so many orgasms.  Then she twisted it into collecting other mens’  orgasms rather than my own.  She taunted me with the idea of letting multiple men cum all over her- ass, tits, armpits, soles, in her mouth, etc.- and making me clean it all up.  All without letting me orgasm.
  13.  Clean her up during a gangbang.  This is the most intimidating one on this list.  I’d have to watch other men get off inside her, then come over and clean their cum out of her pussy, ass, and mouth one at a time.  Over and over again.  The thought of this makes me nervous.

With all the different forms of cum play we’ve talked about, every single one of them gives me butterflies.  That said, I think I could wrap my head around doing this just once and getting it over with.  But she’s repeatedly said she wants to make this a regular, frequent part of our play, which makes me tremble to think of it.  She said she wants to make me her cumdumpster; really, what can you say to that?  Doing this type of play on a regular basis (especially when she won’t let me orgasm myself) seems incredibly intense, and it’d push me hard; at the same time, the thought of it gets me hot.  The thought of doing this as often as she wants to makes me want to curl up in a little ball.  Or take a play from the ostriches and bury my head in the sand.  Maybe she won’t see me.

  • Have a scene outside
  • Pimp cup (see #8 above) filled with spit and making me drink it
  • Foot-smelling scene.  This is pretty basic, but I think I would kink pretty hard on this.  We discussed having me bound in a straitjacket or with hands cuffed behind me, and then gagged.  Most likely with a posture collar to keep me from turning my head.  Laying on my back on the floor, she could be up on a piece of furniture and simply rest her feet on my face.  I’d be unable to get away and unable to breathe through my mouth.  It’s a simple idea, and one that uses one of the most basic, primal senses.
  • Banana Spit- This stemmed from me misreading a sign at an ice cream shop.  It brought to mind an image of a group of women passing around a small bowl or cup of ice cream (though this would work with any food or snack really) and spitting in it, over and over, for quite some time.  Covering it with inches of spit.  Being made to eat food that’s absolutely drenched in spit would be incredibly nasty.   Which is probably why it appeals to me.
  • Piss in cornflakes – That way, if I’m in a bad mood and someone says, “Hey, who pissed in your cornflakes?” I could just point to her.
  • Co-topping– She’s mentioned quite a few times that she really enjoys co-topping, and that she wants to top me with another woman at the same time.  We’ve now done this- We had a super-hot anniversary scene as well as an a mind-melting birthdayversary scene.
  • Public humiliation- When I say “public” in this sense, I’m talking about more of an adult vanilla-public environment rather than a play party or other bdsm event-
  1.    Foot kissing
  2.    Ass kissing
  3.    Face spitting
  4. Shoe shopping– We talked about going shoe shopping (for her) together, with me kneeling to put on and take off her shoes.  We tried this pretty early on, and it hit me both in a sexy way and a d/s way.  This is a very happy memory.
  5.   Forced feminization– We’ve done public forced feminization once before, and it was incredibly intense.  It also had much more of a d/s vibe than I was expecting.  Since then, she’s threatened to take me out fully crossdressed on one of the busier streets in a more adult-oriented part of town on a Friday night or Saturday night when it’s crowded.  I’m not sure how much of that I could handle.  That would be really difficult.
  6. Shopping trip.  This ties in with #5 above.  She’s threatened to take me out shopping for women’s clothes, making me try them on in the store for her to see.  She said she may do this with just the two of us or with other women.  It’s a pretty intimidating prospect.
  • Cheerleader cbt scene – It started as a joke, but it took on a life of its own.  T would be wearing a cheerleader outfit and kick me in the balls.  “Gimmie a C!  (*kick*) Gimmie a B!  (*kick*)  Gimmie a T!  (*kick*)”
  • Cruel schoolgirl scene– She posted an incredibly sexy shot of her in a schoolgirl outfit in front of some lockers, with an innocent-yet-potentially-wicked expression on her face.  I’m not big on role-plays, but this is one that I think could be a lot of fun.  I could be a teacher, another student, the creepy janitor, older brother, or any number of possibilities.  Update: We tried this out the other night- Read about it here.  It then got my mind racing, wondering what a teacher-student role-play would be like; unlike a typical teacher-student role-play, the student would be the top in this scene though, which lends itself to all sorts of fun wrongness.
  • Bottled water conditioning – She’s mentioned wanting to condition me to fear a certain brand of bottled water by repeatedly making me drink her piss out of these bottles.  She bought a case of this brand and saved every bottle after we drank the water.  She has already made me drink her piss from a few bottles so far, so the conditioning is beginning.  Currently, every time I see this brand, I immediately think of her making me drink her piss, though it’s not a fear response.  If she keeps this up over time, that might change.
  • Mouth soaping – Washing someone’s mouth out with a bar of soap has some really sexy power exchange connotations to it.  I know I definitely wouldn’t enjoy the act itself, but I still find the mental image of her working a bar of soap in and out of my mouth very hot.  Especially when combined with bondage.  Because everything is tastier with bondage.  Or maybe I’m just a pervert.  Yeah, we’ll go with that.  I’m not sure I’d be able to avoid pulling my head away though.  I can easily see myself pulling my head back (or turning to the side) to get away from the soap in that situation.  UPDATE- She did this to me this evening.  She told me, “Open up!” and then worked the bar in and out of my mouth a few times.  Bleh.  It was nasty, but her confidence made it sexy.  Her tone and her body were both saying, “I know you don’t like it, but I want to do this to you, so you’re going to submit to it.”  Damn.
  • On a related note- Her sliming up her feet or armpits with a bar of soap and making me lick her clean.
  • Foot worship after work– Yow.  This completely floored me.  I’m surprised the cock cage didn’t explode from the pressure.  We’ve done this here and there, and it blows me away every time.  This is one of the quickest ways to get me desperately horny.  It’s a favorite form of play for me (possibly the favorite) although it’s insanely frustrating if I’m in chastity; that’s when it becomes double-edged, getting me incredulously turned on while wanting it to stop at the same time.  She’s even been talking about pushing it further, making me kiss and lick her feet after 12-16 hours in boots.  I can’t wait to do this, especially if she doesn’t have me locked up at the time.  (Somehow I think there’s a slim chance of that happening though.)  Of course, we’ll need to try it many, many times to be sure we like it.  Just to be absolutely certain.  For science.
  • Also, there’s another aspect to this: At one event, she wore fishnets with boots for a few hours, and that seemed to make it a more intense experience.  So boots with no socks is one more angle we could potentially explore.
  • Fisting – This is something she’s expressed an interest in trying, and I’m very slightly curious.  I’ve heard others say fisting can be really intimate, so that appeals to me.  Plus, butt sex is just hot.  But I’ve never taken anything that large before.  UPDATE:  We tried this last night; read about it hereVery intense and amazing experience.
  • Hairbrush spanking – Hairbrushes are portable and innocuous.  And they can sneak up on you at any time.  I may buy one just to keep in the bathroom for constant quick access; that way there’s no need to open a toy bag.  UPDATE- I bought one, and she now keeps it in her toy bag.  It’s meeeeean.  But I do really like the traditional connotation of authority that comes with it.
  • Whipped with looped-over electrical/appliance cord – I tried this briefly years ago in a scene.  Really intense.  I’d like to explore it more.  And pretty much everywhere you go, there is some sort of electrical cord available.
  • Cock-locked for 1-2 years – A while back, she started threatening to lock me in a cock cage for over a year.  More recently, she’s started threatening two years.  Our longest at this point has been a little over four months.  So being made to go for over two years without orgasm would mean doing six times our current record.  If that’s not an intimidating prospect, I don’t know what is.  This would most definitely make my head explode.  There would be headfetti everywhere.
  • Permanent chastity- T has even teased me a few times about possibly making my chastity permanent.  While it’s a super intimidating prospect, it still sounds very hot, with massive d/s overtones.  I’ve got very mixed feelings on permanent chastity.  It’s scary.  Incredibly so.  But the thought of her making my chastity permanent, and me not having any say in the matter, gets me rock hard.
  • Ball-kicking with no warm-up – We’ve now tried this, and I found it incredibly hot!  Multiple kicks to the balls without any warm-up intimidated me.  At first I was worried it’d be too much, although the thought of it kept popping into my head.  This type of play doesn’t take long, and the recovery time is quick enough that it could probably be done multiple times in a day if desired.  It works well by itself if we don’t have time for a full-on scene; we can do this for a few minutes and then continue on with whatever we were doing.
  • Consensual nonconsent – This is an intriguing idea, though I’m certain I’d be miserable at the time.  For those not familiar with the term, consensual nonconsent involves temporarily removing the ability to safeword and continuing play even if the sub were to safeword.  This could be done with a few different forms of play, though impact is the most obvious.  It would definitely require either bondage or multiple women holding me down; otherwise, there’s no way I’d be able to take it.
  • Slave branding – This goes right in line with consensual nonconsent.  My ability to safeword would have to be removed if we were to do this.  There’s the potential for so much anticipatory build-up prior to the actual branding: being tied down, watching as the fire is started and the branding iron is placed over it, being unable to move as it slowly gets red-hot, etc.  Single-strike hot-iron branding is the only type that really appeals to me though.
  • Singletails- Singletails are so elegant, yet at the same time, capable of causing great pain; it’s a wonderful combination.  As a bonus, they can draw blood.  So of course I bought one.  It’s a nylon 4-foot whip.  Once T gets the hang of it (they have a bit of a learning curve) we can really explore this.
  • Her pissing on food and making me eat it – We’ve talked about her completely drenching my meal (or snack) and ruining it, yet still forcing me to eat it all.  This also started as a joke about her jumping up on the table at a restaurant that we frequent and letting loose on my meal.  But then it went from a joke to her going, “Hmmm…”   Another take on this would be her pissing on the food and letting it cool off completely; that would probably have more of a sinister, captor/prisoner vibe to it.  And probably be even more disgusting.  I don’t even know if I’d be able to eat that.  Update: We’ve now achieved food-pissery.
  • Long-term caging- We’ve only tried caging a few times, with the longest being about an hour.  It was highly sexiful.  I’m not sure how I’d react to longer periods in the cage, but I had no real  trouble with an hour.  I’m curious about being brought to the point of desperately wanting out of the cage, but still not being let out.  I imagine roughly 2-4 hours would have that effect, but that’s just a guess.  My main concern with longer-term caging would be bathroom use.  If I’m in a cock cage, pissing in a bottle wouldn’t work.  Also of concern is food- When I’m hungry, it distracts from anything else I’m feeling, and it puts me in a really bad headspace.  So in order to have this scene, she’d have to occasionally set some food in the cage.  This could easily be combined with the points in the paragraph above.  Or she could just slip in some granola bars, protein bars, etc. periodically.
  • Being beaten with a switch.  I hear they sting.  Quite a lot.
  • Using me as a toilet for an entire weekend without once using an actual toilet.  We nearly tried this at a weekend camping event, but I’d just had a severe concussion the weekend before and wasn’t quite up to it.  Even if I’d tried it, I doubt either of us would’ve gotten as much out of the experience as we would’ve if I were fully with it.
  • Her fucking her own ass with a dildo and making me lick and suck it clean afterward.  Eew.  But also very hot.
  • Strap-on gangbang – T has mentioned wanting to get about half a dozen women, tie me down, and take turns fucking me in both ends.  Super-sexy thought, but I know I’d reeeeeally want it to stop at the time.  I’m honestly not real sure how long I’d be able to take this before I break.  My guess is not real long.  She’s also mentioned the possibility of removing my safeword for this, making it a genuine gang rape.  Fuckity fuck fuck.  I just want to back away slowly when I think of that.  I also worry about being fucked too hard, to the point of damage.  So they’d have to watch closely and avoid jackhammer fucking if this were to happen.  UPDATE- She gave me my first experience with double penetration last week for our anniversary.  It was all kinds of amazing.  Read about it here.
  • Pimping me out- Not long after we first started seeing each other, she said, “I want to pimp you out to other women.”  My issue is that I can’t play with anyone I don’t find attractive.  So the solution we came up with is for her to pimp me out to women I find attractive (and who aren’t batshit crazy.)  In other words, women who I’d be ok playing with.  The terms of the pimpery are up to her; she can loan me out for whatever kind of use she likes.  I’m not quite sure what exactly she had in mind with that “I want to pimp you out to other women”, but I’m sure she’s not going to tell me either.
  • Playing with and/or getting sexual with a trans woman.  I’ve experienced strap-on play plenty of times, but never a bio-cock.  I’ve run into some very attractive trans women, but one thing or another prevented me from approaching, whether it was time constraints, not feeling well, or already having a bunch of scenes lined up.  I’m still *very* curious about this though.
  • Whipped until bloody – We’ve done some bloodplay with the Flogger of Doom, and it was incredible.  We’ve talked a little about going further with this type of play, with her whipping me with the Flogger of Doom and other implements until blood is dripping down my legs.  But our choice of venue would be rather limited since this would splatter blood everywhere.  A tarp wouldn’t be enough coverage since it’d only cover the floor and furniture.  Though a large tarp in my own place could be workable.
  • Her spitting on the ground or floor, stepping in it and twisting her foot around in it, then making me lick her spit from the sole of her boot or shoe.  This is just nasty and hot.  I really like the “dirty” aspect of this.
  • Just like the previous item, but without the spit.  Her making me lick the soles of her boots/shoes clean probably isn’t something I’d enjoy in the moment, but I think it’s one of those things that would be really hot afterward.  And it would push me, which is always a plus.  Update– We tried this the other night.  According to her, my face said “Please don’t make me do this!” but my cock was hard the entire time.  This was incredibly sexy!  Just plain wow.  The point of veiw and the nastiness of being made to clean the dirt and daily random crud from her boots really got me hot.
  • Strawberry shake- Like many other things, this started out as a joke, but then it turned sexy.  She was teasing me about slipping some strawberries up her ass and leaving them there for a while, then making me eat them off the floor.  Jokingly at first, but when she saw how it made me squirm and that it wasn’t a limit, she started pressing a little more.  Bleh.  That’d be just plain nasty.  And really difficult.  Still, the control aspect of it really strikes me.  Especially since she told me I wouldn’t have a choice in the matter; that easily made it ten times hotter.  And dominating the mouth is very much a hot-button form of play for me.  Ever since we had this conversation, it’s been stuck in my head, like a song that just keeps repeating.

So there’s a lot here, some of which we’ve tried and some we haven’t.  Almost any of these could easily be added to our play on a regular basis if we enjoy them.  That’s one thing I like about bdsm- there’s always something new to learn and explore.  Even after doing this for a decade, there are still dozens of things to try.  And there are still lots of things that make me fidget or tremble in fear.

A Hunka-Hunka Burnin’ Sexitude

Lately something has been firmly lodged in my head, and attempts to shake it out of my head have only led to concussions.

Slave branding.

It intrigues me.  Quite a few people have done branding as a body mod.  The difference is twofold though- This would be infused with much more meaning than most peoples’ brands.  Also, the environment would be different.  This wouldn’t be done in a tattoo shop by a piercer/tattoo artist.  It would be a mark of ownership, so who better then to brand me?

I’ve done a bit of research so far, and it seems doable.  But horrendously intimidating.  Really really whole bunch of intimidating a lot.  The idea of doing this is sexy; at the same time, I know I’d have to be tied down with no safeword in order to do this (which is also sexy in its own way.)  And that in itself seems like it’d have strong d/s component since I’d be wanting to back out, wanting to safeword, yet she’d go through with it regardless of my wishes.  The reality of it is that I’d be screaming and struggling the whole time.  It would probably be more physical pain than I’ve ever known.

Struggling, screaming, writhing, sizzling, sweating…… yeah, that’s sexy.  And afterward, I’d have a mark of ownership to show for it.  It’s a heavy-duty idea, and I’d have to dig around for a little more info before agreeing to something like this.  After agreeing to it…… fuckity fuck fuck.  “Intense” most likely wouldn’t even begin to cover it.

Fresh Sliced Sub, $4.99/lb.

Last night, T and I went to a demo which was followed by a private party.  There were quite a few people I hadn’t seen in a while, so that felt wonderful.  And there was cake.  Fantastic, creamy, strawberry-and-chocolate cake.

T took me to the dungeon area and had me strip.  She was admittedly feeling more sadistic than normal, and it showed.  Lots of ball-kicking, face slapping, ball-kicking, biting, ball-kicking, scratching, and ball-kicking.  Ow.  It was a bit warm in the dungeon though, and I can’t take as much pain in the heat for some reason.  It’s always been that way.  Still, she made me hurt.  And she carved me up quite nicely using knives and her fingernails:

Afterward, she brought me over to a spanking bench and caned me, followed by paddling.  She reddened my ass rather thoroughly. This morning, I noticed a semi-faint yellowish bruise over my left eye.  I could tell people I got in a barfight if anyone asks, though I really doubt anyone will notice.  Or simply say it was friendly fire.

We got quite a few compliments on the scene, and some people were irritated that they missed it.  That’s always a wonderful compliment.

Giving Blood

I gave blood last night for a worthy cause-  T’s enjoyment.  She put me on my knees, then got out a knife.  We’d done knife play before, but never any cutting.  She had scratched me with the blade before, causing red or pink lines to form, though there was never any blood.  Last night, she went further.

As she dragged the blade across my flesh, I felt the same scratching sensation as before.  But at one point I looked down, and there was a small amount of blood filling some of the lines.  Not bleeding actively, just barely coming to the surface.

She carved “HxCL” into my chest and back, a reference to how I’m a “hardcore legend”, a running joke between some friends and I.  In addition, she also cut me in a few locations on the chest, abdomen, shoulders, and back.  The sensation wasn’t much different than the normal scratching she’d done previously, which I found surprising.  It added another dimension to the emotional aspect of knife play since now she had the option of actually cutting me.

When I look in the mirror, most of the cuts are still visible, but one stands out on my left shoulder and chest.  It’s bolder, stronger than the other cuts she made.  I’m still processing everything, but I get pleasant feelings when I see that.

A little while after carving the sub, we tried out a new toy I got.  I bought a white canvas straitjacket a couple weeks ago that I’d been itching to try.  The price surprised me- $40, and it’s machine washable.  Which is a good thing, considering we got it a little bloody during its first use.  It held up well.  Once she had me strapped in, T gagged me before proceeding to strap on a massive dildo, bend me over, and fuck me.

For 40 minutes.

Ack.  That was brutal.  I couldn’t even beg her to stop since I was gagged.  (We did have a safe-signal set up in case of emergency.)  At one point, I thought she was done, and I relaxed, letting out a long sigh of relief.  At that point, T put me on my back and kept going.  By then, all I could do was struggle against the straitjacket and whimper incomprehensibly into the gag.  I was pleading with my eyes for her to stop.  She towered over me, smiling and laughing at my torment, knowing I was unable to stop her.  That image is still cemented firmly in my head.  Her pleasure was clearly evident in her face, and her smile had a slight mocking quality to it.  Her power and my lack of control as she violated me were mind-boggling.  Such intense feelings.

After we were done, we got some of the toys cleaned up and cuddled for a while.  After lots of talking and cuddlification, when we were about to get to bed, she told me to get the bed warmed up and that she’d be right in.  Soon she was walking toward me, and she had a cup of water.  That was nice of her.  But she also had a wicked look in her eyes.  I wondered why since we’d been done playing for a while by then.  As she crawled onto the bed, I realized that it wasn’t water, and the “oh shit” alarm went off in my brain.  She handed me the cup and made me drink her piss.  Disgusting.  And with every grimace and shudder, her smile got bigger, and that reminded me why I was doing it.