The Big C (No, Not Chimichanga)

Two things have recently become more apparent to me:

 

• T let me orgasm two weeks ago.  It was the first orgasm she let me have in three months and a week.  A quarter of a year.  (And it was the longest orgasm I ever remember having!)  It got me thinking.  We’ve been together for 13 months now.  She’s periodically kept my cock in a cage from the start, with varying periods of freedom in between.  (And these seem to be gradually decreasing in length, while the lockups get longer.)  Altogether, she’s had me locked up for probably 3/4 of our relationship.  Prior to our relationship, my experiences with chastity were typically 1-8 weeks on average, followed by a 2-3 months of freedom.  Contrast that to where things are now- increasingly longer periods in chastity with no end in sight (She’s floated the idea of making me go 1-2 years with no orgasm.)
• She told me fairly recently that at an upcoming event (Winter Wickedness) she’s going to make me eat someone else’s cum.  This is something that’ll be difficult for me and will push me hard.  That said, I think I’d be able to get myself into a frame of mind to accept it, do it once, and get it over with.  But the other day when the subject came up, she got a big smile on her face and said, “Winter Wickedness is just the beginning.”  Gulp.  That’s been bouncing off the inside of my head since she said it.  It’s like in the movies where you can see the person saying something, and the words just keep echoing over and over.

These two have something in common: control.

When we first started seeing each other, she was curious about chastity.  Then when I asked her why it appealed to her, one big part of her response was control.  That was a big draw for her.  She locked my cock up early on, and she has since taken total control of my orgasms.  She’s keeping me locked up for longer, making me desperately hornier, and taking more control than I thought possible for me to give.

With the making-me-eat-other-men’s-cum thing, she’s also taking more control of me than I thought I’d ever be capable of giving up.  This was a limit for me for the longest time.  But now she’s going to make me do it.  Over and over again, apparently.  That requires a high degree of control.  You can’t make me do something that causes me to go “ohfuckno, fuckityfuckfuckfuck” without having firm control.

There are other areas where the control peeks its face in the door as well.  Occasionally when I say something, she’ll remind me that I have no choice in the matter.  Or that she knows I don’t want to do something, but that she’s going to make me do it anyway.  When she does that, it feels like she’s jerking on some internal leash.

She even fully crossdressed me and took me out in public.  I never, ever considered that an option before.  Not even close.  Again, control comes into the picture and suddenly, this intimidating mental image becomes reality.

I never thought I’d go for a level of control that was more intense than what I’d always experienced prior.  I saw no reason to turn the dial up.  But every time she wrenches more control from me, the more submissive I feel towards her.  The more she dominates, the more I feel the drive to submit.  This is where dominance and submission, normally two different things, become intertwined.  My submission feeds off of her dominance.

The Hard Stuff

People often argue over whether being submissive (or a slave for that matter) means doing things you don’t want to do.  It can get pretty heated.  This doesn’t seem like a yes-or-no issue to me though.  It’s not that simple.

I don’t think that submission requires doing things you don’t want to do.  Submission means submitting to another’s will.  What if you enjoy everything the dom makes you do or asks of you?  Does that mean it’s not really submission?  No, it just means you’re extremely compatible.  I don’t feel that being miserable is a requirement for submission.  I also think deliberately doing something solely to make the sub unhappy is a pretty lousy thing to do.

At the same time, no one is 100% compatible in every single way all the time.  There will be things the dom asks of the sub that the sub may not like. I’m not talking about hard limits though; those should be respected.  I’m talking about things that the sub may not necessarily like but aren’t limits.  Things that they’re willing to do for the dom under the right circumstances.  This may or may not involve some level of persuasion, torture, threats, coercion, or force.  Things like this are going to pop up eventually in any relationship.  The sub may not be enthusiastic about a certain action, it might make him uncomfortable, or he may flat-out hate it.  Yet the dom wants it to happen.  What then?

It depends on the level of power exchange shared between the two.  If it’s more of a casual play situation or a limited-to-the-bedroom submission, that activity probably won’t occur.  But when there’s more power exchange happening, it’s more likely the dom will have the power to make this happen.  The sub is more prone to doing whatever it is to please the dom as well.  Generally activities like this will push the sub, often quite hard.  People don’t always allow just anyone to push them like that.  Personally, if I’m going to be pushed on that level, I want it to be for someone special.  I want it to have value.

Complicating things even further is cognitive dissonance.  It’s that conflicted feeling some people get in bdsm when the brain is screaming “yes” and “no” at the same time.  They may really want that action to stop, but at the same time, they’re getting something else out of it.  Or they know they’ll get something out of it later.  It’s a contradictory rush.  When I’m being pushed really hard, I get this.  The feelings can be a varying mix of positive and negative, and they can swing from one end of the spectrum to the other and back again in a short time.  So for certain actions, I can’t give a yes-or-no answer as to whether I like those things.  I do and I don’t.  Certain things can really turn me on, and I can deeply despise them, all at the same time.  This can apply to pain, humiliation, enforced chastity, erotically disgusting things, or anything else really.  When more extreme things and lots of hard pushing are present in our scenes (or even outside of scenes) on a regular basis, I’m happier.  Yet in the moment, I want nothing more than for it to stop.  The negative component can be really strong when it’s actually happening.

So what happens when the dom enjoys making the sub do things he doesn’t want to do?  When she gets off on pushing that far, to the point of begging, tears, and safewording?  Or even beyond?  For us, our d/s is deep enough that T has the power to do these things whenever she likes.  For other couples, that may not be a good solution; it’s all a matter of what’s right for that particular couple.  When she pushes me that hard, it’s difficult for me.  But I know she enjoys taking me further than I want to go, so I see it as a form of submission.  I really enjoy submitting to her in this way, even if what I get out of it isn’t readily clear, sometimes even to me.  I do know that it works, and that’s enough for me.

Looking Back… and Forward

I’ve been involved in the local bdsm community for seven years now.  When I think of the nervous guy who showed up at that first munch, it hardly seems like me.  The super-skinny guy with bad hair and horrible shyness has been updated.

The shyness.  Blah.  I was shy my whole life, and it took a few years for that to change once I got involved with the bdsm crowd.  I’m still on the quiet side, but no longer shy; I may not speak every single thought that enters my head, but I’m no longer nervous about talking to anyone.  Even public speaking in front of crowds, which used to terrify me, is now a matter of routine.  I went from staying in my shell to running groups and helping others out of their shells.

And now I have an image in my head of a bunch of naked turtles running around.  It’s a rather entertaining picture.  Welcome to my head.

I can play in public, displaying my vulnerability (as well as my naked body) for all to see.  While I still greatly prefer the intimacy of private play, public play is also something I do on a semi-regular basis.

And the play… lots of progress there as well.  Every form of play has seen some growth in intensity.  Impact has gotten more intense (and occasionally bloody.)  The different forms of oral domination have gotten more diverse and more intense.  Chastity gradually keeps getting longer and more frustrating.  Knife play has gone from scratching (white-lining) to actual cutting.  I could barely take much cbt at first; but now, ball-kicking (something I never thought I could go for) is by far my favorite form of cbt.

Humiliation.  It used to be a limit.  Slowly, very slowly, that wall came down.  The intensity of the humiliation is now much more than I ever thought possible.  The public aspect of humiliation is something else I never thought I’d delve into.  Ever.

D/s has been brought to a new level too.  Initially, the line between d/s and the rest of life was very clear, and it ended at the edge of the bed.  No longer.  It went from being small and confined, to being a gentle background hum, and now it’s something more present, something I’m nearly always aware of.

I can’t take credit alone for the progress I’ve made.  T likes to push me in a lot of different areas, and she is responsible for part of that growth.  Things can get very intense with her.  My ex also helped ease me along in some areas, and a handful of casual play partners have stretched those edges a little too.

When I look back at where I was and compare it to now, I’m much happier here.  This all-around level of intensity fits well.  It also leaves room for growth.  And for scary things.  There’s still plenty of room to push boundaries and explore new avenues.  I have to wonder where all this will stand in another seven years.  What will I be into then that terrifies me today?  Will limits be destroyed?  Will I be pushed further than I currently fathom?  I can say with confidence that the answer is a firm “maybe”.

99 Ways to Perv

T and I have something we call perv lists.  They’re lists of things that either she or I have mentioned wanting to try or that we both want to try.  She won’t tell me what’s on her list though, since she wants to keep the element of surprise.  These are almost like a bucket list of kink.  Unlike a bucket list, however, if we really get off on something that we try from this list, we can do it again and again.  And again.  And again, just for good measure.  We can add it to our regular repertoire rather than just checking it off of a list.

My list isn’t in any real order.  Some of these things have come up in conversation repeatedly, while others were simply mentioned once a long time ago.

• Ass-beating with her belt – We tried this last night.  Depending how she wielded it, it delivered everything from nice warmup-type pain to searing flashes of sting.  And she’d sometimes hit the belt on itself to make a loud slapping noise.  That made me tense up when she did that.  Very sexy.  Watching her take off her belt always appealed to me because I could imagine her beating me with it.  Now, I’m sure that feeling will be even stronger.
• Needles through the nipples – I’m not curious about needle play in any other body parts.  It just doesn’t seem like it’d be an erotic form of pain anywhere except the nipples.
• Lick her piss or her spit from off of her bare feet  (another variation- her spitting on the floor, stepping in it, and making me lick it from the sole of her shoe or boot)

• Armpit-licking - I was curious about this for a little while, and eventually we tried it.  I was surprised at how hot it got me.  (To be clear, I’m talking about doing this without deodorant since there are a lot of nasty chemicals in it.  Deodorant isn’t meant to be eaten.  Bleh.)  And it also wasn’t done straight out of the shower either; she’d been going around for at least a few hours, sometimes more, with no deodorant before making me lick her armpits.  It appealed to me on many of the same levels foot worship does- armpits have that dirty, “low” connotation, and dominating the mouth is just plain sexy.  Foot worship is still one of my absolute favorite forms of play though; it hasn’t been unseated.

• Waterboarding – This is a mild curiosity for me, but a curiosity nonetheless.

• Drowning play in a tub/pool – This desire was inspired by a scene in the movie Black Swan in which the lead character relaxes and slides down under the bath water with her eyes closed.  A couple seconds later, she opens her eyes (still underwater) and sees another woman standing over the tub, looking down at her, grinning.  I think it’s be horribly sexy to be held under like that with a foot on the chest or throat.  Not to the point of actual drowning (I’m rather a fan of being alive) but enough to make me really want to breathe and not be able to.  We’ve done enough breath play that she knows my reactions and limits.  I trust her.

• Cum play in various incarnations.  She strongly prefers using other men’s cum rather than my own in these scenarios-

1. Creampie cleanup, either vaginal or anal
2. Drink cum mixed in a glass of her piss
3. Lick cum from her soles (She’s floated the idea of using multiple men’s cum all at once for this.)
4. Lick cum from her armpit
5. Snowballing others’ cum- After going down on someone else (either in front of me or not) and having a mouthful of cum, kissing me.
6. Someone (or someones) cumming on her sock, followed by her gagging me with it
7. Someone cumming on her panties, followed by her gagging me with them
8. Pimp cup (an ornate cup she wants to have completely filled with other mens’ cum before making me drink it all.  That’s an insanely large amount of cum.)  I thought she was joking about this, but she insists she isn’t.
9. Lick cum from off of her shoe/boot in a more public environment (club, party, etc.)  This might be harder though, since the top of the foot is rounder, so the cum might slide right off.  Cum might stick better to nylons, but that’s just a guess.

With all the different forms of cum play we’ve talked about, every single one of them makes me nervous.  That said, I think I could wrap my head around doing this just once and getting it over with.  But she’s repeatedly said she wants to make this a regular, frequent part of our play, which makes me tremble to think of it.  She said she wants to make me her cumdumpster; really, what can you say to that?  Doing this type of play on a regular basis (especially when she won’t let me orgasm myself) seems incredibly intense, and it’d push me very hard.  The thought of doing this as often as she wants to makes me want to curl up in a little ball.  Or take a play from the ostriches and bury my head in the sand.  Maybe she won’t see me.

• Have a scene outside
• Pimp cup (see #8 above) filled with spit and making me drink it

• Piss in cornflakes – That way, if I’m in a bad mood and someone says, “Hey, who pissed in your cornflakes?” I could just point to her.

• Public humiliation- When I say “public” in this sense, I’m talking about more of a vanilla-public environment rather than a play party or other bdsm event-

1.    Foot kissing
2.    Ass kissing
3.    Face spitting
4. Shoe shopping- We talked about going shoe shopping (for her) together, with me kneeling to put on and take off her shoes.  We tried this pretty early on, and it hit me both in a sexy way and a d/s way.  This is a very happy memory.
5.   Forced feminization- We’ve done public forced feminization once before, and it was incredibly intense.  It also had much more of a d/s vibe than I was expecting.  Since then, she’s threatened to take me out fully crossdressed on one of the busier streets in a more adult-oriented part of town on a Friday night or Saturday night when it’s crowded.  I’m not sure how much of that I could handle.  That would be really difficult.

• Cheerleader cbt scene – It started as a joke, but it took on a life of its own.  T would be wearing a cheerleader outfit and kick me in the balls.  “Gimmie a C!  (*kick*) Gimmie a B!  (*kick*)  Gimmie a T!  (*kick*)”

• Bottled water conditioning – She’s mentioned wanting to condition me to fear a certain brand of bottled water by repeatedly making me drink her piss out of these bottles.  She bought a case of this brand and saved every bottle after we drank the water.  She has already made me drink her piss from a few bottles so far, so the conditioning is beginning.  Currently, every time I see this brand, I immediately think of her making me drink her piss, though it’s not a fear response.  If she keeps this up over time, that might change.

• Mouth soaping – Washing someone’s mouth out with a bar of soap has some really sexy power exchange connotations to it.  I know I definitely wouldn’t enjoy the act itself, but I still find the mental image of her working a bar of soap in and out of my mouth very hot.  Especially when combined with bondage.  Because everything is tastier with bondage.  Or maybe I’m just a pervert.  Yeah, we’ll go with that.  I’m not sure I’d be able to avoid pulling my head away though.  I can easily see myself pulling my head back (or turning to the side) to get away from the soap in that situation.
• Foot worship after work- Yow.  This completely floored me.  I’m surprised the cock cage didn’t explode from the pressure.  We’ve done this here and there, and it blows me away every time.  This is one of the quickest ways to get me desperately horny.  It’s a favorite form of play for me, although it’s insanely frustrating if I’m in chastity; that’s when it becomes double-edged, getting me incredulously turned on while wanting it to stop at the same time.  She’s even been talking about pushing it further, making me kiss and lick her feet after 12-16 hours in boots.  I can’t wait to do this, especially if she doesn’t have me locked up at the time.  (Somehow I think there’s a slim chance of that happening though.)  Of course, we’ll need to try it many, many times to be sure we like it.  Just to be absolutely certain.  For science.
• Also, there’s another aspect to this: At one event, she wore fishnets with boots for a few hours, and that seemed to make it a more intense experience.  So boots with no socks is one more angle we could potentially explore.

• Hairbrush spanking – Hairbrushes are portable and innocuous.  And they can sneak up on you at any time.

• Noose during ball-kicking to prevent doubling over – I often fall over after an intense kick to the balls.  Obviously this would be an edgier take on ball-kicking, and she’d have to closely monitor me.  She usually has me kneeling for ball-kicking, so my full body weight would never be on the noose.

• Whipped with looped-over electrical/appliance cord – I tried this briefly years ago in a scene.  Really intense.  I’d like to explore it more.  And pretty much everywhere you go, there is some sort of electrical cord available.

• Locked for 1-2 years – A while back, she started threatening to lock me in a cock cage for over a year.  More recently, she’s started threatening two years.  Our longest at this point has been just shy of three months.  So being made to go for over two years without orgasm would mean doing eight times our current record.  If that’s not an intimidating prospect, I don’t know what is.  This would most definitely make my head explode.  There would be headfetti everywhere.
• Ball-kicking with no warm-up – We’ve now tried this, and I found it incredibly hot!  Multiple kicks to the balls without any warm-up intimidated me.  At first I was worried it’d be too much, although the thought of it kept popping into my head.  This type of play doesn’t take long, and the recovery time is quick enough that it could probably be done multiple times in a day if desired.  It works well by itself if we don’t have time for a full-on scene; we can do this for a few minutes and then continue on with whatever we were doing.

• Consensual nonconsent – This is an intriguing idea, though I’m certain I’d be miserable at the time.  For those not familiar with the term, consensual nonconsent involves temporarily removing the ability to safeword and continuing play even if the sub were to safeword.  This could be done with a few different forms of play, though impact is the most obvious.  It would definitely require either bondage or multiple women holding me down; otherwise, there’s no way I’d be able to take it.

• Slave branding – This goes right in line with consensual nonconsent.  My ability to safeword would have to be removed if we were to do this.  There’s the potential for so much anticipatory build-up prior to the actual branding: being tied down, watching as the fire is started and the branding iron is placed over it, being unable to move as it slowly gets red-hot, etc.  Single-strike hot-iron branding is the only type that really appeals to me though.
• Singletails- Unfortunately, these are on the pricey side, and there’s a learning curve.  Shorter ones are easier to wield, so a 2-3′ whip would be terrific to start.  Even these ones are generally over $100 though.  Singletails are so elegant, yet at the same time, capable of causing great pain; it’s a wonderful combination.  As a bonus, they can draw blood.

• Her pissing on food and making me eat it – We’ve talked about her completely drenching my meal (or snack) and ruining it, yet still forcing me to eat it all.  This also started as a joke about her jumping up on the table at a restaurant that we frequent and letting loose on my meal.  But then it went from a joke to her going, “Hmmm…”   Another take on this would be if she pissed on the food and let it cool off completely; that would probably have more of a sinister, captor/prisoner vibe to it.  And probably be even more disgusting.  I don’t even know if I’d be able to eat that.

• Long-term caging- We’ve only tried caging once, for about half an hour.  It was highly sexiful.  I’m not sure how I’d react to longer periods in the cage, but I had no trouble with half an hour.  I’m curious about being brought to the point of desperately wanting out of the cage, but still not being let out.  I imagine roughly 4-8 hours would have that effect, but that’s just a guess.  My main concern with longer-term caging would be bathroom use.  If I’m in a cock cage, pissing in a bottle wouldn’t work.  Also of concern is food- When I’m hungry, it distracts from anything else I’m feeling, and it puts me in a really bad headspace.  So in order to have this scene, she’d have to occasionally set some food in the cage.  This could easily be combined with the points in the paragraph above.  Or she could just slip in some granola bars, protein bars, etc. periodically.
• Using me as a toilet for an entire weekend, or as an alternative,  her pissing on every single meal I eat all weekend

• Strap-on gangbang – T has mentioned wanting to get about half a dozen women, tie me down, and take turns fucking me in both ends.  Super-sexy thought, but I know I’d reeeeeally want it to stop at the time.  I’m honestly not real sure how long I’d be able to take this before I break.  My guess is not real long.  She’s also mentioned the possibility of removing my safeword for this, making it a genuine gang rape.  Fuckity fuck fuck.  I just want to back away slowly when I think of that.  I also worry about being fucked too hard, to the point of damage.  So they’d have to watch closely and avoid jackhammer fucking if this were to happen.

• Whipped until bloody – We’ve done some bloodplay with the Flogger of Doom, and it was incredible.  We’ve talked a little about going further with this type of play, with her whipping me with the Flogger of Doom and other implements until blood is dripping down my legs.  But our choice of venue would be rather limited since this would splatter blood everywhere.  A tarp wouldn’t be enough coverage since it’d only cover the floor and furniture.

So there’s a lot here, some of which we’ve tried and some we haven’t.  Any of these could easily be added to our play on a regular basis if we enjoy them.  That’s one thing I like about bdsm- there’s always something new to learn and explore.  Even after doing this for a decade, there are still dozens of things to try.

Genderfucking

Forced feminization can be a contentious topic.  Some find it highly insulting, others find it incredibly sexy, while still others are indifferent or somewhere in the middle.

People often take issue with the “forced” part of the phrase.  No, it’s not truly forced, I agree.  It’s more often something the domme pressures or orders the sub/slave to do.  There’s no gun to anyone’s head.  There may be threats involved (e.g. you’d better do this, or I’m locking you in chastity for two years) but it’s not truly forced.

By far the biggest issue people take with forced fem is that they assume all the practitioners of forced fem see femininity itself as humiliating, thus being insulting to women.  That’s a valid point, but only if the practitioners in question actually do see it that way.  I don’t view it this way personally.  I rather like femininity.  In fact, I find it beautiful.  I’m much more attracted to feminine women than butch women.  Femininity is a big plus in my book.  Femininity can be sexy, and it’s the flavor of sexy I go for.  While I try to be the masculine flavor of sexy, I fall for feminine sexy.

The draw of forced fem to me is multi-tiered.  Yes, I find it erotically humiliating, but not because of being made feminine.  It’s that I’m being made (even if temporarily) to look like something I’m not.  I’m a man being pushed into what is essentially a caricature of femininity.  On top of that, I don’t even come close to passing, so some of the humiliation comes from that as well.  Another thing that gives this type of play an edge is that it’s semi-taboo in society; men who dress as women are often laughed at.  Plus there’s a big d/s element there for me.  This is one of the more prevalent aspects of forced fem that I get into.  I can’t be pushed really hard with forced fem (or most other things) with just anyone; there’s got to be a strong d/s dynamic in place for this to work.  So I get the charge of being dominated, made to do something I don’t want to do, when we engage in this.  There’s a heavy control aspect with this, especially if it’s in public.  It seems doing this in public magnifies the humiliation as well as the d/s component.  So there you have a tangled knot of reasons I find this a worthwhile form of play.

Apprehension (Now with More Cream Filling!)

Ever since T informed me that she’s going to make me eat someone else’s cum in a few months, that thought has been hanging over my head.  Completely intentional on her part, I’m sure.  We’ve talked about quite a few different methods of this, so I’m not sure which it’ll be.  All of this has been making me think more on the whole idea of cum play.

This was originally a tricky area for us.  We’ve since gotten it figured out.  We have a semi-open relationship.  We’re not poly, so there are no other relationships involved.  But we do each have a short list of people we can be intimate with.  The problem is that it hurts to watch her do anything, even kissing, with someone else.  So we agreed not to do anything like that in front of each other.  Pretty simple.

Enter the creampie.  Strangely enough, it would be different watching her fuck someone else, even if it were happening right over top of me, if it ended in her making me clean up the creampie.  Same goes for watching her go down on someone else; normally I’d have a problem with seeing that, but if she and I were to snowball the cum afterward, I could watch the entire thing.  I think it comes down to intent.  Normally, if she’s fucking someone else, she’s doing it for her pleasure.  But with a creampie or snowballing, it’d be something that’s done more for us as a couple.  It’d be just one part of our scene.  Or a very strange sort of threesome.  We would be the central focus, which changes the dynamic entirely.  She wouldn’t be fucking him just to fuck him; rather, she’d be fucking him in order to get her sadistic jollies in making me clean her up afterward.  The intent completely alters the vibe.

The idea of eating someone else’s cum out of her (or snowballing it with her) sort of horrifies me.  At the same time, when I’m at the edge of orgasm, it sounds like a really hot idea.  So I’m torn.  What makes it even more difficult is that T has said she wants to make this type of play a regular part of our repertoire; that makes me nervous.  My brain and cock keep arguing with each other……..”yes!”  “no!”  “yes!”  “no!”  “yes!”  “no!”

 

A Delayed Sentence

For a couple months now, T has been occasionally mentioning that she’s got something planned for a scene with me in February.  We’ll be going to a weekend bdsm event in another city which we’ve been to before, though I knew about that.  She wouldn’t tell me what it was she had planned for while we’re there though.  All I knew is that she has something planned.

Yesterday, she told me what it was, at least partially.  She intends to make me eat someone else’s cum.

She’s been threatening to do this for a long time now in various forms.  We’ve talked about her making me lick it from her soles, pussy, ass, and shoe/boot, as well as using her cum-soaked panties or socks as a gag.  (She also mentioned wanting to completely fill a large cup with cum and make me drink it, but I’m pretty certain that was mostly a joke.)  I’m not sure which form of this she has planned, or whether it will be one man’s cum or multiple mens’, but I can’t say I’m itching to do this.  Rather dreading it actually.  Even thinking about it creates a lump in my throat.

Now I’ve got this hanging over my head for the next few months.  I’m not sure if I’m better off or worse for knowing this information.  She seems to enjoy stretching out the anticipation, taunting me occasionally.  I feel like a mouse being batted around and toyed with by a cat before being devoured.

K, Bi Now!

I’ve got a confession to make.  I’ve got a severe case of the hetero.

It’s amazing how many women in the local community, my Mistress included, want to watch me kiss or have some form of sex with another guy.  I’m not opposed to the idea as long as I’m attracted to him.  (Playing with or having sex with people I’m not attracted to is a limit for me.)  The problem is that I have yet to meet a guy I’m attracted to; this, I believe, is what they call “being heterosexual”.  For some, it’s a chronic condition.

Bisexuality used to be taboo for men in the local bdsm scene.  It was ok for women to be bi, but men instantly lost social status if they admitted to being bi.  So the men who were bisexual usually kept this information under very tight wraps.  Thankfully a lot has changed since then.  We’ve got quite a few openly bi men in our groups now, and their orientation doesn’t cause any problems.

While I do get turned on by strap-on sex, that’s still with a woman.  It’s not about the cock itself, it’s about the person on the other end of that cock.  And in my case, the person on the other end of the cock is always a woman.  The thought of sex with a man simply does nothing for me.

An ex once told me that she thinks I’ll be full-on bisexual at some point, that it was just a matter of time.  Maybe, maybe not.  People tend to evolve over time.  Some of the things that used to be limits for me are now things that get me hot.  Other former hard limits are now things that I’d be willing to do, provided there was enough persuasion or force.  Limits and interests can change over the years.  It’s hard to say how things will be 5 or 10 years from now.

Someone we know does erotic hypnosis.  T came up with the idea of having him hypnotize me to become bisexual.   The other day I asked him, “Does hypnosis work on people who don’t believe in hypnosis?” and he said yes.  I’m open to trying it, though honestly I doubt its efficacy.  While I’m happy with my sexuality and who I am, I see no harm in potentially adding some more options to the table.